A dramatic poem I'm writing for class. It echoes a little bit of what I've learned from David Steindl-Rast.
I can't show you anything, but you must see
and detach these hoses and tubes that tie you to the weak,
who ask us to do their errands.
EGG HEAD NOBODIES, NOBODIES!
we're here, right now, my friend, to shape the world,
for we are able to reach and grasp the very invisible air that binds around a sandy core
and prevents the nobodies from falling away into the deep.
And we're here, right now, my friend, in an attempt
to describe the unthinkable to those who wish to think it and dissect it and cut it apart--
and nothing we say, well, nothing can make it easier than that.
We can't let them steal this away.
But friend, this is the way it works.
We do what others can't for their own sake,
as we are needing and wanting.
and though they're nobodies, and nobodies may they remain!
They're our nobodies, and you're the one who can't see!
There are those who see our face,
ours alone. they don't see the faces of the nobodies, and rightfully so.
can they hold out their hand and gather the gentle star dust
Caking silent in their hand, as we can?
As we have before, why this talk?
The stars are a wonder, the planets hold their secrets away from us,
a provocation to come and find them
once and for all. and though we're the ones.
We can't forget what our purpose is!
Purpose, that's all you ever speak of, my friend!
And purpose has enslaved you to the doing of nothing,
nothing for nobodies. You're the rock floating through the
Way, no origin and no destination. The sun seeks you
to suck you up to eradication. You are a waste product of a galaxy of nothing.
You see nothing but what can be done, and not the
fundamental concepts of the richness, the thing that is
without doing. Without even seeing that it is. You don't see it.
And you know you can't and choose to do nothing still!
You have chosen the road to nothing willingly, and as my friend, I cannot let you stay on it.
7.10.09
Shouting back and forth over a digital ravine
C: i was sitting here, watching Good Eats when i thought of you in your night class, and now i am happy to not be in night class. hope you're surviving!
J: you were watching good eats? without me? what was the food?
C: i AM watching--still on. he's baking some squashes. squash soup. squash dumplings. squash bread. squash squash squash squash squash.
J: sick.
C: did i ever tell you about the story where dan threw up on brent's plate after mom made him eat squash?
J: oh, great! I'd love to hear that story.
C: this one time, dan threw up on brent's dinner plate after mom made him eat squash.
J: I was kidding.
J: you were watching good eats? without me? what was the food?
C: i AM watching--still on. he's baking some squashes. squash soup. squash dumplings. squash bread. squash squash squash squash squash.
J: sick.
C: did i ever tell you about the story where dan threw up on brent's plate after mom made him eat squash?
J: oh, great! I'd love to hear that story.
C: this one time, dan threw up on brent's dinner plate after mom made him eat squash.
J: I was kidding.
4.10.09
Zombie post, the second coming
A long while back, I came across a very interesting question on someone's blog.
You are in a mall when the zombies attack. You have:
1. One weapon.
2. One song blasting on the speakers.
3. One famous person to fight alongside you.
I have returned to this question, after watching my housemates play Nazi Zombies like it's their job.
Paul:
Meat cleaver
John Cena
"Baba O'Riley" by The Who
Brendan:
.50 automatic
Jason Statham
"For What It's Worth" by Buffalo Springfield
Bacon:
Sawed-off shotgun
Natalie Portman
"What The World Needs Now" by Burt Bacharach
Brian M:
Ariel Jon Herbig (THAT IS NOT A WEAPON, MEAGHER)
"Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" by Drowning Pool
Kimbo Slice
Zack T:
Bullwhip
Charles Barkley
"War Pigs" by Black Sabbath
Adam:
M4 w/ M203 attachment
"War" by Edwin Starr
Bumblebee
Brian K:
.45 lever-action Winchester
Jethro Gibbs (from NCIS)
"Remember the Name" by Fort Minor
Zack M:
Double-barrel shotgun
"Your Hand In Mine" by Explosions in the Sky
Zooey Deschanel
Bethany:
Steyr Aug A3
Gerard Butler
"LoveGame" by Lady Gaga
Carrie:
Twin sawed-off shotguns
Clint Eastwood
"Requiem For a Dream" by Clint Mansell
Aimee:
Chainsaw
Edward Cullen
"Pocket Full of Sunshine" by Natasha Bedingfield
Candace:
Vin Diesel
Flamethrower
"Don't Stop Believin'" by Journey
Team Maddox (and Bobby?):
.44 Colt Magnum
Mel Gibson, Jackie Chan
"Eye of the Tiger" by Survivor
And I figured I might as well give it another go:
Pole-ax
"Maxwell Murder" by Rancid
Samuel L. Jackson
oh. I didn't change my answers at all. hehe.
You are in a mall when the zombies attack. You have:
1. One weapon.
2. One song blasting on the speakers.
3. One famous person to fight alongside you.
I have returned to this question, after watching my housemates play Nazi Zombies like it's their job.
Paul:
Meat cleaver
John Cena
"Baba O'Riley" by The Who
Brendan:
.50 automatic
Jason Statham
"For What It's Worth" by Buffalo Springfield
Bacon:
Sawed-off shotgun
Natalie Portman
"What The World Needs Now" by Burt Bacharach
Brian M:
Ariel Jon Herbig (THAT IS NOT A WEAPON, MEAGHER)
"Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" by Drowning Pool
Kimbo Slice
Zack T:
Bullwhip
Charles Barkley
"War Pigs" by Black Sabbath
Adam:
M4 w/ M203 attachment
"War" by Edwin Starr
Bumblebee
Brian K:
.45 lever-action Winchester
Jethro Gibbs (from NCIS)
"Remember the Name" by Fort Minor
Zack M:
Double-barrel shotgun
"Your Hand In Mine" by Explosions in the Sky
Zooey Deschanel
Bethany:
Steyr Aug A3
Gerard Butler
"LoveGame" by Lady Gaga
Carrie:
Twin sawed-off shotguns
Clint Eastwood
"Requiem For a Dream" by Clint Mansell
Aimee:
Chainsaw
Edward Cullen
"Pocket Full of Sunshine" by Natasha Bedingfield
Candace:
Vin Diesel
Flamethrower
"Don't Stop Believin'" by Journey
Team Maddox (and Bobby?):
.44 Colt Magnum
Mel Gibson, Jackie Chan
"Eye of the Tiger" by Survivor
And I figured I might as well give it another go:
Pole-ax
"Maxwell Murder" by Rancid
Samuel L. Jackson
oh. I didn't change my answers at all. hehe.
28.9.09
Wrong side.
An excerpt from my required poetry "blog." I should have written this a while ago.
*NOTE-- this is not a poem. This is just free-writing about things I could write about. Lines that are crossed out and casualties in my war against the backspace key.
And I like this game, Call of Duty. Have you ever played it?
Oh, you're Japanese.
Call Can you tell me what that's like?
The blood in my wrists pulse when I think of all the digital soldiers that look like you.
And I can't help but feel ashamed.
Because I also think of the detail that the game producers paid attention to
(maybe for more money because they can write it on the box)
like screaming sound effects
animations of the human form when you apply a bit of fire
and the ambiance "ambient" blaring siren of the flesh crackling
that sickening association with cooking bacon
it makes me want to die too.
It makes me wish that there was a game where you could even the odds.
A children's toy.
An arcade box.
Because we die, too.
Because we've got the evil.
We know what it takes to be evil.
We make playthings of people we call evil
and we line you all up and shoot you and it only costs a day's wages.
I'm sorry.
It Apologizing doesn't seem like enough.
*NOTE-- this is not a poem. This is just free-writing about things I could write about. Lines that are crossed out and casualties in my war against the backspace key.
And I like this game, Call of Duty. Have you ever played it?
Oh, you're Japanese.
Call Can you tell me what that's like?
The blood in my wrists pulse when I think of all the digital soldiers that look like you.
And I can't help but feel ashamed.
Because I also think of the detail that the game producers paid attention to
(maybe for more money because they can write it on the box)
like screaming sound effects
animations of the human form when you apply a bit of fire
and the ambiance "ambient" blaring siren of the flesh crackling
that sickening association with cooking bacon
it makes me want to die too.
It makes me wish that there was a game where you could even the odds.
A children's toy.
An arcade box.
Because we die, too.
Because we've got the evil.
We know what it takes to be evil.
We make playthings of people we call evil
and we line you all up and shoot you and it only costs a day's wages.
I'm sorry.
It Apologizing doesn't seem like enough.
24.9.09
Since when is my Bible a diagnostic manual
I propose a cure.
A cure, not for the human condition,
but for treating it like a disease.
Thinking of naming it "gratitude."
A cure, not for the human condition,
but for treating it like a disease.
Thinking of naming it "gratitude."
24.7.09
Ransomed from fear and sloth
I've had recurring nightmares
That I was loved for who I am
And missed the opportunity
To be a better man
["Hoodoo" by Muse]
Whoa. Apparently, Mat Bellamy is not a fan of weenie humanism-- therefore, I propose that he is the man. All in favor?
If we have been delivered, why do we freely return to faithlessness...
That I was loved for who I am
And missed the opportunity
To be a better man
["Hoodoo" by Muse]
Whoa. Apparently, Mat Bellamy is not a fan of weenie humanism-- therefore, I propose that he is the man. All in favor?
If we have been delivered, why do we freely return to faithlessness...
11.7.09
Thanks again.
and i'll go, oh yes,
i'll go and hope the new me shows
so everybody knows
that i've found myself able to fly away
without magic feathers or jefferson aeroplanes
i've got with me all that i need
i'll go and hope the new me shows
so everybody knows
that i've found myself able to fly away
without magic feathers or jefferson aeroplanes
i've got with me all that i need
24.6.09
Upon each page
I just had what could be the strangest revelation I've had all week.
I've never been by myself when I've done anything worthy of writing down.
You, reading this.
I would like to thank you.
Your influence on me has brought a great change,
(the realization that life is not a one-man show)
and you have stoked flames of courage,
which pulse like drumbeats in the rickety bone-cage of someone you are not,
warming and boiling the blood rushing through the canals of meaning.
Your voice thunders like a mighty tide in the mind of someone who is commonly convinced that his substance is comprised primarily of chalk and ash.
You have managed to answer, "why?"
and taught me that is more important than, "how?"
with your generous existence.
My god has a face,
and he has not shown it to me;
but somehow,
you have seen it.
The days are falling page after page,
and upon each page is your seal,
oh Lord.
I've never been by myself when I've done anything worthy of writing down.
You, reading this.
I would like to thank you.
Your influence on me has brought a great change,
(the realization that life is not a one-man show)
and you have stoked flames of courage,
which pulse like drumbeats in the rickety bone-cage of someone you are not,
warming and boiling the blood rushing through the canals of meaning.
Your voice thunders like a mighty tide in the mind of someone who is commonly convinced that his substance is comprised primarily of chalk and ash.
You have managed to answer, "why?"
and taught me that is more important than, "how?"
with your generous existence.
My god has a face,
and he has not shown it to me;
but somehow,
you have seen it.
The days are falling page after page,
and upon each page is your seal,
oh Lord.
22.6.09
An hour and a half of deer patrol
One time, I forgot my keys at Carrie's house.
It was a good time, and I'm a dufus.
It was a good time, and I'm a dufus.
13.6.09
Across the Made-Up Universe
Prepare yourself, because this is probably going to be the nerdiest and strangest ethnographic study you've ever read.
I love new experiences. Over the years, I've played a lot of games. And in a lot of these games, there are other not-real people controlled by real people... from all over the world. It can be a lot of fun to step into the realm of someone else's imagination and find another person there, doing the same thing you are. Of course, anyone can be anyone on the Internet, so your interactions are limited by perception and perceived perception. It's a lot like high school.
Since I've been doing that for so long, I suppose I took it for granted that these worlds existed.
However, over the course of the past year, I've been actively going out and trying new games like this (they're called MMOs or MMORPGs), only to see what new kinds of social environments I find. After giving a few a good try (at least a week for most cases), I've decided to report on the social climate of every MMO I've ever played. Like I said, it's pretty nerdy, but this is fun for me.
I'll also fill you in on some of the lingo that's used, if you're not familiar with the terms. Free of charge.
(Disclaimer: I didn't pay for any of this.)
1) RUNESCAPE
The very fist MMO I ever played... and I probably picked this up at about 13 years old. I thought it was the coolest, even though I apparently sucked at it. It's a game you can play for free, even though most of the game was restricted access that you had to pay for. You can run around and pretty much do whatever-- as long as you didn't hurt anyone or say any bad words (it bleeps out a lot of sketchy words like "piss"). This is because the majority of the player population consists of legal minors. This affects the social climate greatly, as you might imagine. Most conversations end up being about how they're playing the game in class, how much better they are than you (more than likely calling you a noob, no matter what level you are), and how "retarded" something is, which is usually just some random aspect of the game... or their parents.
Terms used:
noob (n.) - an inexperienced or ignorant player, derogatory (from "newbie")
level (n.) - an ordered plateau or stage of player development, usually having an arbitrary cap of maximum development (i.e. 80 in WoW)
So what? In Runescape, there are no social groups to speak of... no "guilds" or "alliances" or anything like that. You're basically on your own, so you don't have to deal with anyone at all and still play. But this makes the game boring after a while... so if you don't know the guy on the other end of another character, you might find yourself quitting after hitting rocks all day-- unless you make like other troublemakers in the game, who thrive on disrupting the normal play of everyone else in the game through harassment and trolling (usually older players). I found myself struggling to find reasons to keep playing after a very short time, and eventually quit after getting scammed by some wanker pre-teen.
Terms used:
troll (v.) - to randomly instigate and provoke to anger and fury via the Interweb (i.e. anonymously posting a picture of Buddy Jesus on an atheism message board)
2) FURCADIA
Oh Lord, I wish I didn't have to admit that even contemplated visiting the website. But it was too rich-- I had to see what this was like. Late in high school, I gave Furcadia a whirl. Now, let me tell you: it wasn't anything that my 15-year-old mind imagined. Furcadia is a world where people make characters that are animals. I said it. Animals. I was a dog. A blue dog, son.
Furcadia was also the only MMO I've "played" that wasn't actually a game. It was like a visual, virtual chatroom... where people did things, but with really no consequence. The population was also usually much older than Runescape (we're talking 16-30 years old). There's some sick people in that world. However, I did manage to share a bit of my testimony to a gray horse... next to a pool. Like I said, new experiences. But I'll never go back to Furcadia-- that was way too weird.
3) LINEAGE 2
I can honestly say that this is the only one I've ever played with people I knew. Heck, I've used it to keep in touch with Amanda and Gator-- where there were instances of all three of us killing things together. And you know what? That was the only reason I played. It made the game interesting when my brother was in my party, sharing things with me and fighting alongside. It was much more interesting to try to protect someone you knew from being killed.
People I played Lineage with include Amanda, Gator, RA (Erik Jacobson), Bryan Brigner, Shane Jewell, Chase Hammontree, Adam Knapp, Caleb Miracle, Caleb Knowles, Travis Traxler, and probably many others I've forgotten to mention.
This is also the game I've played the most, and for good reason. There are hundreds of free servers to play on, and they're all different. But the main game is usually the same-- get some friends, kill stuff, enjoy the electronic spoils. Lineage is probably the best proof I have that anything can be fun if you're willing to try it with the right people. The world is intense, even more so when you include the observations of your friends. I've raced to the top of a mountain, just to sit for a little while and look around. I've also "met" people from all over the world in this game. I remember distinctly certain conversations about the real world I've had with Latvians, Brazilians, Germans, Russians, and Australians. Besides, can you imagine me as a huge, green orc with dreadlocks?
Well, if you can't, then maybe we should play sometime. As long as you can get past the Korean-looking characters and a couple of wardrobe malfunctions... yep.
4) WORLD OF WARCRAFT
I did the impossible. I played the game for three days and quit.
It wasn't much fun. Now, technically, I say that because I wasn't playing with anyone else. There's really a lot to do, if you can find someone to do it with. But most of the chatter is about business in the game-- not the world we live in. It was disappointing for me. That, and after a couple hours of playing, I didn't even have enough money for my little gnome to have a new knife. Screw that.
5) MAPLE STORY
This is a cartoon. It was made by Koreans for Koreans. But I was initially drawn to this game after hearing about an impressive feat of electronic-real world integration in Japan, with the first recorded case of "digital murder."
Read about it here, you'll get a good laugh.
The very fact that you can even be married in the first place in this game displays what kind of time commitment most players put forth. It's ridiculous. Most people don't have time to talk-- they're too busy killing creature... after creature... after creature. Honestly, the most boring thing I've ever done; regardless of the fact that I was a pirate.
6) RAPPELZ
Another game made by Koreans for Koreans... and it didn't make it quite past the translation barrier. Not only was it really hard to understand what I was supposed to be doing half the time, but the chat is totally clogged with spam. There's no way to talk to anyone... about anything. That's all right, I figure they don't know what's going on, either.
At least I had a pet turtle. But I didn't get to name him. That's balls, Korea.
7) PERFECT WORLD
The game's not presumptuous, it's Taoist. It is fun to look at, though. Even though I was by myself, I found myself climbing mountains and walking through forests just for fun. Every once and a while, you'll see a random character sitting on the roof of a hut or under a waterfall, meditating. There's a spiritual aspect of the game that I haven't seen anywhere else, which creates a sort of Easter egg hunt to find a reclusive place to leave your character to meditate while you go take a break. Genius.
You know, I've probably played more than this. Obviously, Lineage was my favorite. But who knows? If any of my friends try a different one, maybe I'll give it a try. After all, it's a new experience.
I love new experiences. Over the years, I've played a lot of games. And in a lot of these games, there are other not-real people controlled by real people... from all over the world. It can be a lot of fun to step into the realm of someone else's imagination and find another person there, doing the same thing you are. Of course, anyone can be anyone on the Internet, so your interactions are limited by perception and perceived perception. It's a lot like high school.
Since I've been doing that for so long, I suppose I took it for granted that these worlds existed.
However, over the course of the past year, I've been actively going out and trying new games like this (they're called MMOs or MMORPGs), only to see what new kinds of social environments I find. After giving a few a good try (at least a week for most cases), I've decided to report on the social climate of every MMO I've ever played. Like I said, it's pretty nerdy, but this is fun for me.
I'll also fill you in on some of the lingo that's used, if you're not familiar with the terms. Free of charge.
(Disclaimer: I didn't pay for any of this.)
1) RUNESCAPE
The very fist MMO I ever played... and I probably picked this up at about 13 years old. I thought it was the coolest, even though I apparently sucked at it. It's a game you can play for free, even though most of the game was restricted access that you had to pay for. You can run around and pretty much do whatever-- as long as you didn't hurt anyone or say any bad words (it bleeps out a lot of sketchy words like "piss"). This is because the majority of the player population consists of legal minors. This affects the social climate greatly, as you might imagine. Most conversations end up being about how they're playing the game in class, how much better they are than you (more than likely calling you a noob, no matter what level you are), and how "retarded" something is, which is usually just some random aspect of the game... or their parents.
Terms used:
noob (n.) - an inexperienced or ignorant player, derogatory (from "newbie")
level (n.) - an ordered plateau or stage of player development, usually having an arbitrary cap of maximum development (i.e. 80 in WoW)
So what? In Runescape, there are no social groups to speak of... no "guilds" or "alliances" or anything like that. You're basically on your own, so you don't have to deal with anyone at all and still play. But this makes the game boring after a while... so if you don't know the guy on the other end of another character, you might find yourself quitting after hitting rocks all day-- unless you make like other troublemakers in the game, who thrive on disrupting the normal play of everyone else in the game through harassment and trolling (usually older players). I found myself struggling to find reasons to keep playing after a very short time, and eventually quit after getting scammed by some wanker pre-teen.
Terms used:
troll (v.) - to randomly instigate and provoke to anger and fury via the Interweb (i.e. anonymously posting a picture of Buddy Jesus on an atheism message board)
2) FURCADIA
Oh Lord, I wish I didn't have to admit that even contemplated visiting the website. But it was too rich-- I had to see what this was like. Late in high school, I gave Furcadia a whirl. Now, let me tell you: it wasn't anything that my 15-year-old mind imagined. Furcadia is a world where people make characters that are animals. I said it. Animals. I was a dog. A blue dog, son.
Furcadia was also the only MMO I've "played" that wasn't actually a game. It was like a visual, virtual chatroom... where people did things, but with really no consequence. The population was also usually much older than Runescape (we're talking 16-30 years old). There's some sick people in that world. However, I did manage to share a bit of my testimony to a gray horse... next to a pool. Like I said, new experiences. But I'll never go back to Furcadia-- that was way too weird.
3) LINEAGE 2
I can honestly say that this is the only one I've ever played with people I knew. Heck, I've used it to keep in touch with Amanda and Gator-- where there were instances of all three of us killing things together. And you know what? That was the only reason I played. It made the game interesting when my brother was in my party, sharing things with me and fighting alongside. It was much more interesting to try to protect someone you knew from being killed.
People I played Lineage with include Amanda, Gator, RA (Erik Jacobson), Bryan Brigner, Shane Jewell, Chase Hammontree, Adam Knapp, Caleb Miracle, Caleb Knowles, Travis Traxler, and probably many others I've forgotten to mention.
This is also the game I've played the most, and for good reason. There are hundreds of free servers to play on, and they're all different. But the main game is usually the same-- get some friends, kill stuff, enjoy the electronic spoils. Lineage is probably the best proof I have that anything can be fun if you're willing to try it with the right people. The world is intense, even more so when you include the observations of your friends. I've raced to the top of a mountain, just to sit for a little while and look around. I've also "met" people from all over the world in this game. I remember distinctly certain conversations about the real world I've had with Latvians, Brazilians, Germans, Russians, and Australians. Besides, can you imagine me as a huge, green orc with dreadlocks?
Well, if you can't, then maybe we should play sometime. As long as you can get past the Korean-looking characters and a couple of wardrobe malfunctions... yep.
4) WORLD OF WARCRAFT
I did the impossible. I played the game for three days and quit.
It wasn't much fun. Now, technically, I say that because I wasn't playing with anyone else. There's really a lot to do, if you can find someone to do it with. But most of the chatter is about business in the game-- not the world we live in. It was disappointing for me. That, and after a couple hours of playing, I didn't even have enough money for my little gnome to have a new knife. Screw that.
5) MAPLE STORY
This is a cartoon. It was made by Koreans for Koreans. But I was initially drawn to this game after hearing about an impressive feat of electronic-real world integration in Japan, with the first recorded case of "digital murder."
Read about it here, you'll get a good laugh.
The very fact that you can even be married in the first place in this game displays what kind of time commitment most players put forth. It's ridiculous. Most people don't have time to talk-- they're too busy killing creature... after creature... after creature. Honestly, the most boring thing I've ever done; regardless of the fact that I was a pirate.
6) RAPPELZ
Another game made by Koreans for Koreans... and it didn't make it quite past the translation barrier. Not only was it really hard to understand what I was supposed to be doing half the time, but the chat is totally clogged with spam. There's no way to talk to anyone... about anything. That's all right, I figure they don't know what's going on, either.
At least I had a pet turtle. But I didn't get to name him. That's balls, Korea.
7) PERFECT WORLD
The game's not presumptuous, it's Taoist. It is fun to look at, though. Even though I was by myself, I found myself climbing mountains and walking through forests just for fun. Every once and a while, you'll see a random character sitting on the roof of a hut or under a waterfall, meditating. There's a spiritual aspect of the game that I haven't seen anywhere else, which creates a sort of Easter egg hunt to find a reclusive place to leave your character to meditate while you go take a break. Genius.
You know, I've probably played more than this. Obviously, Lineage was my favorite. But who knows? If any of my friends try a different one, maybe I'll give it a try. After all, it's a new experience.
11.6.09
A furrowing of the brow
I hate to say it, but I'm disappointed with Obama so far. In fact, I'm pretty disappointed with the government in general.
- He pushed for the criminal Freedom of Choice act. Don't get me started, because you know that conversation will go straight to eugenics.
- GM now stands for "Government Motors." Is that seriously legal? Just how do Democrats justify this? If I had a dollar for every time I heard a Dem complain about the way that the executive branch was wielding incredibly centralized power in the previous administration, well... I wouldn't have to worry about paying rent, that's for sure. What is the difference here? I have been trying very hard not to be cynical of politicians lately, but they're not making it easy.
- When are we coming home again? oh... a couple of years still. It'll still be "Merry Christmas from a very broken Baghdad" for a long time. At least they don't have to worry about looking for a job right now.
- Health reform plan needs a lot of work. Study up, sir. This is the one bill that needs to move, pronto. In fact, why don't you just call this one the "Look How Much Money Can We Save With Only One Signature Bill." It's pretty catchy, right?
I know I don't normally talk about politics on here, but I need some release. And I don't even know how well McCain or Nader would be doing in his stead, seeing as this is tough stuff. But it'd be nice to be doing better.
- He pushed for the criminal Freedom of Choice act. Don't get me started, because you know that conversation will go straight to eugenics.
- GM now stands for "Government Motors." Is that seriously legal? Just how do Democrats justify this? If I had a dollar for every time I heard a Dem complain about the way that the executive branch was wielding incredibly centralized power in the previous administration, well... I wouldn't have to worry about paying rent, that's for sure. What is the difference here? I have been trying very hard not to be cynical of politicians lately, but they're not making it easy.
- When are we coming home again? oh... a couple of years still. It'll still be "Merry Christmas from a very broken Baghdad" for a long time. At least they don't have to worry about looking for a job right now.
- Health reform plan needs a lot of work. Study up, sir. This is the one bill that needs to move, pronto. In fact, why don't you just call this one the "Look How Much Money Can We Save With Only One Signature Bill." It's pretty catchy, right?
I know I don't normally talk about politics on here, but I need some release. And I don't even know how well McCain or Nader would be doing in his stead, seeing as this is tough stuff. But it'd be nice to be doing better.
4.6.09
The grad school list, with bonus material on why swine flu actually matters!
Seeing as this seems to be the most effective mode of communication between me and the people who care about me (sorry Mom), I've decided to list the choices I'm considering for grad school. Mind you, this is for a masters in public health (MPH), for which there are only between 20-30 accredited schools in the whole country. Here goes.
1) University of Louisville
Louisville, KY
My first pick and still my favorite-- also one of the cheaper options, and the only school I've actually been able to visit. That only helped. It's a fledgling school, only having been accredited a few years ago, and began within the past ten years. The health science campus is in the downtown area, and everything I'll need will be within a two-block radius. Magical. Being on the demographic fence between "rural" and "urban", the type of practical experience I'd end up doing would be exactly what I'm looking for. And it's in Kentucky, which is probably one of my favorite states of the Union. If you don't get it, just google "Kentucky", and you'll set the first photo you see as your wallpaper. I guarantee it. All I'd have to do is get reacquainted with the dialect (as well as keep my Spartan pride undercover) and UL would make this 1.5 years very tolerable.
2) Saint Louis University
St. Louis, MO
I was skeptical of this joint at first. On the website (www.asph.org), SLU sounds like every other public health school. However, I noticed that they don't charge extra for Missouri non-residents... which made it worth checking into. I finally got my requested information yesterday. Lo and behold, they're Jesuits. That makes SLU the only Christian school on the list, but more importantly, the smallest. It's probably the priciest option (at about $40k for the whole deal right now), but not by very much. Besides, they offer more joint-degrees than I've seen anywhere else, as well as a very unique specialization: biosecurity and disaster preparedness. Very Jesuit, and an exploding field... but probably not my bag, to be honest. But who knows...
3) University of Michigan
Ann Arbor, MI
Yikes. I never dreamed I would even think about gracing such soiled grass with my righteous footsteps. However, U of M is the only college in Michigan that is accredited by the CEPH, and that's a huge deal for me. Plus, they have a slew of specialization options. I'm talking about options like hospital and molecular epidemiology (studying how diseases dare spread in the cleanest places on the planet) or industrial hygiene (studying how we can prevent job-site body destruction) And like a big ol' blue-and-maize cherry on top, there's their world-renowned research facilities (which would normally go without saying, but that's a big deal, too). Since I get a shrunk-down Michigan resident rate, U of M is ironically the bargain of the day. So, if I don't mind a couple more years of lame weather, and have the hutzpah to actually submit my application into an inevitable contestant field of certified-genius wunderkinder and only-childs, Michigan could turn my MPH slingshot into a dang trebuchet.
4) University of Kentucky
Lexington, KY
Neither does UK charge much extra for out of state residents-- they try to make up for the difference with endowment. Kentucky mainly specializes in rural, community health. It's not something I'm opposed to... just not something I'd choose over UL or SLU. Plus, this place is in Kentucky, too. Ka-ching.
5) Michigan State University
East Lansing, MI
Say what? James, aren't you a Spartan fan? Why isn't this choice on top?
Not accredited, online program.
That should be all I have to say about that.
-------------------
So, why does swine flu (H1N1) matter?
It's new. Every new disease should be treated with incredible caution. Notable cross-special pandemics would include malaria, AIDS, smallpox, and the bubonic plague-- all of those are or were really bad for us.
But isn't it just the flu?
The irony. Consider this: when was the last time you had the flu? And I'm talking about the real flu... not the "I-threw-up-twice-this-morning-and-I-have-a-headache-so-WebMD-said-I-have-the-flu" flu. It's debilitating, it's potentially life-threatening, and highly contagious. One things we know for sure about H1N1 is that it can be passed during a period of up to eight days-- one of those days comes before symptoms appear. That's right, you can get people sick before you even know that you're sick, yourself.
How could it ever affect me if so few have it?
Don't know. That's probably the scariest part of H1N1-- we just don't know much about it yet. We do know that it has components of human, avian, and swine flu in the same package. But we have no vaccine, no unique diagnostic methods, and no way of pinning down exactly how it's mutating (something for which influenza is notorious). Just keep the coughing to yourself and be clean, though, and you should do all right.
Why are people freaking out and ruining my TRAVEL PLANS???
Glad you asked. That's an attempt to keep narrow-minded tourists from escalating a situation that could have been a lot worse than it is. Americans can't go to Mexico, and Europeans are staying away from the whole danged continent. By cordoning it off, it's possible to stop it from becoming a second kind of flu to worry about. Just ask a doctor-- one flu is plenty.
1) University of Louisville
Louisville, KY
My first pick and still my favorite-- also one of the cheaper options, and the only school I've actually been able to visit. That only helped. It's a fledgling school, only having been accredited a few years ago, and began within the past ten years. The health science campus is in the downtown area, and everything I'll need will be within a two-block radius. Magical. Being on the demographic fence between "rural" and "urban", the type of practical experience I'd end up doing would be exactly what I'm looking for. And it's in Kentucky, which is probably one of my favorite states of the Union. If you don't get it, just google "Kentucky", and you'll set the first photo you see as your wallpaper. I guarantee it. All I'd have to do is get reacquainted with the dialect (as well as keep my Spartan pride undercover) and UL would make this 1.5 years very tolerable.
2) Saint Louis University
St. Louis, MO
I was skeptical of this joint at first. On the website (www.asph.org), SLU sounds like every other public health school. However, I noticed that they don't charge extra for Missouri non-residents... which made it worth checking into. I finally got my requested information yesterday. Lo and behold, they're Jesuits. That makes SLU the only Christian school on the list, but more importantly, the smallest. It's probably the priciest option (at about $40k for the whole deal right now), but not by very much. Besides, they offer more joint-degrees than I've seen anywhere else, as well as a very unique specialization: biosecurity and disaster preparedness. Very Jesuit, and an exploding field... but probably not my bag, to be honest. But who knows...
3) University of Michigan
Ann Arbor, MI
Yikes. I never dreamed I would even think about gracing such soiled grass with my righteous footsteps. However, U of M is the only college in Michigan that is accredited by the CEPH, and that's a huge deal for me. Plus, they have a slew of specialization options. I'm talking about options like hospital and molecular epidemiology (studying how diseases dare spread in the cleanest places on the planet) or industrial hygiene (studying how we can prevent job-site body destruction) And like a big ol' blue-and-maize cherry on top, there's their world-renowned research facilities (which would normally go without saying, but that's a big deal, too). Since I get a shrunk-down Michigan resident rate, U of M is ironically the bargain of the day. So, if I don't mind a couple more years of lame weather, and have the hutzpah to actually submit my application into an inevitable contestant field of certified-genius wunderkinder and only-childs, Michigan could turn my MPH slingshot into a dang trebuchet.
4) University of Kentucky
Lexington, KY
Neither does UK charge much extra for out of state residents-- they try to make up for the difference with endowment. Kentucky mainly specializes in rural, community health. It's not something I'm opposed to... just not something I'd choose over UL or SLU. Plus, this place is in Kentucky, too. Ka-ching.
5) Michigan State University
East Lansing, MI
Say what? James, aren't you a Spartan fan? Why isn't this choice on top?
Not accredited, online program.
That should be all I have to say about that.
-------------------
So, why does swine flu (H1N1) matter?
It's new. Every new disease should be treated with incredible caution. Notable cross-special pandemics would include malaria, AIDS, smallpox, and the bubonic plague-- all of those are or were really bad for us.
But isn't it just the flu?
The irony. Consider this: when was the last time you had the flu? And I'm talking about the real flu... not the "I-threw-up-twice-this-morning-and-I-have-a-headache-so-WebMD-said-I-have-the-flu" flu. It's debilitating, it's potentially life-threatening, and highly contagious. One things we know for sure about H1N1 is that it can be passed during a period of up to eight days-- one of those days comes before symptoms appear. That's right, you can get people sick before you even know that you're sick, yourself.
How could it ever affect me if so few have it?
Don't know. That's probably the scariest part of H1N1-- we just don't know much about it yet. We do know that it has components of human, avian, and swine flu in the same package. But we have no vaccine, no unique diagnostic methods, and no way of pinning down exactly how it's mutating (something for which influenza is notorious). Just keep the coughing to yourself and be clean, though, and you should do all right.
Why are people freaking out and ruining my TRAVEL PLANS???
Glad you asked. That's an attempt to keep narrow-minded tourists from escalating a situation that could have been a lot worse than it is. Americans can't go to Mexico, and Europeans are staying away from the whole danged continent. By cordoning it off, it's possible to stop it from becoming a second kind of flu to worry about. Just ask a doctor-- one flu is plenty.
29.5.09
Missed chances
(In house where retired NFL greats call home:
MARINO is found sleeping in his bed. He is having a dream. The Dolphins have won the Super Bowl, and MARINO is lifted up on the shoulders of his teammates after winning MVP. The players then suddenly evaporate, along with the trophy and crowds, and he falls on the bare grass. This wakes him up. He pouts as he crawls out of bed and heads to the kitchen.
AIKMAN is already in the kitchen. He is sitting on a stool next to the island, eating cereal. YOUNG is also in the kitchen, making coffee. MARINO stumbles in, rubbing his eyes.)
AIKMAN: Hey, rough night, Marino?
MARINO: Yeah, I had a really weird dream.
AIKMAN: Oh yeah?
(MARINO grabs some milk from the fridge and turns back to AIKMAN.)
MARINO: (pause) Troy, if you got the chance to go back and do it again, what would you do differently?
(AIKMAN thinks. YOUNG's attention is distracted from the coffee, pending AIKMAN's reply. AIKMAN raises a spoonful of Wheaties to his mouth, and a ray of light glimmers from one of his Super Bowl rings. He smiles.)
AIKMAN: Nothing, Dan.
(MARINO looks down at his bare hand. YOUNG chuckles, but looks back to see coffee all over the counter.)
YOUNG: (cursing inaudibly)
MARINO: Whoa, got that, ace?
This is the type of thing I think about in the shower.
MARINO is found sleeping in his bed. He is having a dream. The Dolphins have won the Super Bowl, and MARINO is lifted up on the shoulders of his teammates after winning MVP. The players then suddenly evaporate, along with the trophy and crowds, and he falls on the bare grass. This wakes him up. He pouts as he crawls out of bed and heads to the kitchen.
AIKMAN is already in the kitchen. He is sitting on a stool next to the island, eating cereal. YOUNG is also in the kitchen, making coffee. MARINO stumbles in, rubbing his eyes.)
AIKMAN: Hey, rough night, Marino?
MARINO: Yeah, I had a really weird dream.
AIKMAN: Oh yeah?
(MARINO grabs some milk from the fridge and turns back to AIKMAN.)
MARINO: (pause) Troy, if you got the chance to go back and do it again, what would you do differently?
(AIKMAN thinks. YOUNG's attention is distracted from the coffee, pending AIKMAN's reply. AIKMAN raises a spoonful of Wheaties to his mouth, and a ray of light glimmers from one of his Super Bowl rings. He smiles.)
AIKMAN: Nothing, Dan.
(MARINO looks down at his bare hand. YOUNG chuckles, but looks back to see coffee all over the counter.)
YOUNG: (cursing inaudibly)
MARINO: Whoa, got that, ace?
This is the type of thing I think about in the shower.
19.5.09
When I don't care
was it perfection that you wanted
it added up to be your fall
to your mistakes
you wanted it to be inside your worst belief
was it another thing you started
it added up to be your fall
to your mistakes
you wanted it to be his voice that calls your name
and I'm sorry
for all those things in me
when I don't care
I know you're always there
I just wanted to get this started
["Starting Line" by Number One Gun]
it added up to be your fall
to your mistakes
you wanted it to be inside your worst belief
was it another thing you started
it added up to be your fall
to your mistakes
you wanted it to be his voice that calls your name
and I'm sorry
for all those things in me
when I don't care
I know you're always there
I just wanted to get this started
["Starting Line" by Number One Gun]
8.5.09
Taming a ghost
Vengeance always sounds like a nice idea.
From my perspective, descending upon a former love like a shadowy hawk sounded great. Like a time-traveling, transparent ghost, I would have both the element of surprise and previously unseen ferocity. I jumped all over the thought of discovering the truth that she was, and is, such a terrible person. And what right would she have to fight back? I would have victory almost by default.
Man's anger does not work out God's righteousness.
I don't hunt for sport-- I only kill what I eat. What right do I have to strike out at her? I would suffer defeat as soon as I began.
From my perspective, descending upon a former love like a shadowy hawk sounded great. Like a time-traveling, transparent ghost, I would have both the element of surprise and previously unseen ferocity. I jumped all over the thought of discovering the truth that she was, and is, such a terrible person. And what right would she have to fight back? I would have victory almost by default.
Man's anger does not work out God's righteousness.
I don't hunt for sport-- I only kill what I eat. What right do I have to strike out at her? I would suffer defeat as soon as I began.
7.5.09
Contentment can't be trusted
sometimes I hate when everything's okay
where is the chaos and decay
where's the heartache and the tears
and all the pain I hold so dear
sometimes when everything's all right
I find I just can't sleep at night
contentment can't be trusted
wasn't meant for "well-adjusted"
sometimes when things are all screwed up
oh man I just can't get enough
out of control don't let it stop
can't wait for the other shoe to drop
two moons like Damocles
like kaboom, kabow to all of these
I swear sometimes I can almost feel my soul
movin on and I'm still livin in a Babylon daze
I'm failing forward on an awkward state of grace
gonna see if all that's to that fire
is used by my high-tension wires
heck no one was watching anyway
it's like I just can't take the peace
I need the wedge I need release
need to know when things are wrong
need another angry song
so keep your quiet keep your calm
I'll go off like a bomb
if only just to feel my flippin heartbeat
movin on and I'm still livin in a Babylon daze
I'm failing forward on an awkward state of grace
gonna see if all that's to that fire
is used by my high-tension wires
heck no one was watching anyway
["Babylon Daze" by The Havenots]
where is the chaos and decay
where's the heartache and the tears
and all the pain I hold so dear
sometimes when everything's all right
I find I just can't sleep at night
contentment can't be trusted
wasn't meant for "well-adjusted"
sometimes when things are all screwed up
oh man I just can't get enough
out of control don't let it stop
can't wait for the other shoe to drop
two moons like Damocles
like kaboom, kabow to all of these
I swear sometimes I can almost feel my soul
movin on and I'm still livin in a Babylon daze
I'm failing forward on an awkward state of grace
gonna see if all that's to that fire
is used by my high-tension wires
heck no one was watching anyway
it's like I just can't take the peace
I need the wedge I need release
need to know when things are wrong
need another angry song
so keep your quiet keep your calm
I'll go off like a bomb
if only just to feel my flippin heartbeat
movin on and I'm still livin in a Babylon daze
I'm failing forward on an awkward state of grace
gonna see if all that's to that fire
is used by my high-tension wires
heck no one was watching anyway
["Babylon Daze" by The Havenots]
29.4.09
He makes the road rise
I think I believe, sometimes, that it's my job to crash. If there is a God who is eternally good, then the only way bad can exist in my life is through me. Think about that for a second, because that'll take you where I go.
Good needs evil. If there is nothing corrupt, then what is pure? Everyone agrees, and has been agreeing, on this. Does God need us, though? I mean, that's a good question, right?
If he's all-powerful, then no. Why would he need us?
But he still made us, so we do have some sort of needful purpose.
Fascinating. After all this time, I still don't understand. And it's good. It's difficult for me to surrender my intellect because I am my father's son. This type of submission sets me and others apart, because we're not meant to understand-- not out of pity or condescension, just practicality. I'm a vapor in the wind, and that makes me wonder why I'm trying to understand the breeze that pushes me through the air.
Skeptics say that makes it easier to deal with stupidity.
I say this is the only way you can possibly live without waiting to die.
Now, a few years down this road, I'll look back on what I said in the monumental, profound statement and smile at the fact of how naive I am. The fact that I'm not perfect pushes the road down, and it becomes difficult to see the sun sometimes.
But it doesn't stay there,
but I know I don't stay there,
but I know he's with me,
but I know he's in me,
but I know he will always be good--
but I know he makes the road rise.
Good needs evil. If there is nothing corrupt, then what is pure? Everyone agrees, and has been agreeing, on this. Does God need us, though? I mean, that's a good question, right?
If he's all-powerful, then no. Why would he need us?
But he still made us, so we do have some sort of needful purpose.
Fascinating. After all this time, I still don't understand. And it's good. It's difficult for me to surrender my intellect because I am my father's son. This type of submission sets me and others apart, because we're not meant to understand-- not out of pity or condescension, just practicality. I'm a vapor in the wind, and that makes me wonder why I'm trying to understand the breeze that pushes me through the air.
Skeptics say that makes it easier to deal with stupidity.
I say this is the only way you can possibly live without waiting to die.
Now, a few years down this road, I'll look back on what I said in the monumental, profound statement and smile at the fact of how naive I am. The fact that I'm not perfect pushes the road down, and it becomes difficult to see the sun sometimes.
But it doesn't stay there,
but I know I don't stay there,
but I know he's with me,
but I know he's in me,
but I know he will always be good--
but I know he makes the road rise.
19.4.09
What to do, what to do
It's been a long time since I've actually written about what's going on in my life. It's funny, because every time I think I need to blog, I always think that I have nothing to write about. I have a lot to write about.
First of all, I'm both excited and disappointed about next year. I'm disappointed, well, for obvious reasons. In May, the vast majority of my friends will be graduating, and I will be in the audience. I didn't think it would be quite this depressing, but it truly is. But, getting past that, I will be a peer advisor for a third year (HOORAY!), and taking classes that I never thought I would be able to take. And I'll be living in the White House. That is also quite bumpin'.
Secondly, I'm gonna take a trip to Kentucky. Tentative date is May 28th. U of Louisville. Tell your friends. But don't tell them I'm a State fan-- they're probably going to be bitter for a while.
First of all, I'm both excited and disappointed about next year. I'm disappointed, well, for obvious reasons. In May, the vast majority of my friends will be graduating, and I will be in the audience. I didn't think it would be quite this depressing, but it truly is. But, getting past that, I will be a peer advisor for a third year (HOORAY!), and taking classes that I never thought I would be able to take. And I'll be living in the White House. That is also quite bumpin'.
Secondly, I'm gonna take a trip to Kentucky. Tentative date is May 28th. U of Louisville. Tell your friends. But don't tell them I'm a State fan-- they're probably going to be bitter for a while.
Finally, if anyone knows what I can still do for a job this summer, I'd appreciate a job. I'm working at the HHC, but that's a part-time gig. I need something to do for the rest of the summer. Hmph.
Well, I guess that was it. By the way, props to my PA crew for winning most spirited team at Relay. It was the whistles for sure. =)
2.4.09
Punch it
For who is greater: he who speaks, or he who listens?
I will not "apply" the Scriptures to my life.
I will apply myself to the Scriptures.
(so, do it.)
I will not "apply" the Scriptures to my life.
I will apply myself to the Scriptures.
(so, do it.)
10.3.09
Slumber and death
In a possible leak of what I will talk about tomorrow at the PA meeting, I feel compelled to share this quote from A Resilient Life by Gordon MacDonald:
"Humility is freedom from thinking about yourself."
It may be empowering to frame humility in this context. I assure you, this is the message that Christ conveyed with his life in regards to selflessness. He said that we will know the truth, and the truth will set us free. What many do not read on to find out is that the Jews were stunned when he said this. Basically, they scratched their heads and replied,
"Free? Free from what?"
From sin, of course. That's what he said. From egocentrism-- from self-centered, narcissistic, God-usurping self-concentration. The truth will set us free. That truth walked out of the city with death strapped to his back and assured everyone who followed him that this life is not for us to hold onto, it is for us to give. The truth is humility, it's selflessness. He said,
"If I didn't have to do this, I wouldn't. But I entrust myself to your will, Father."
Well, shoot. No one said it was easy. I won't romanticize daily suffering-- it is what it is, and it sucks. For some reason, the powerful drug that enflamed the bones of prophets and apostles has been turned into hopeless, helpless tylenol PM... good for minor aches, pains, and sleeping. I noticed it in chapel today: in myself and in everyone else. We're asleep.
I don't think I've ever read anything in the Bible that says anything good about people who fall asleep.
Tradition supports the humble. Scripture stands behind the selfless. Reason causes us to desire it. Experience makes us know it is good. I don't see anywhere we can fight this, brothers and sisters. We've got to wake up and free ourselves from thinking about ourselves!
"Humility is freedom from thinking about yourself."
It may be empowering to frame humility in this context. I assure you, this is the message that Christ conveyed with his life in regards to selflessness. He said that we will know the truth, and the truth will set us free. What many do not read on to find out is that the Jews were stunned when he said this. Basically, they scratched their heads and replied,
"Free? Free from what?"
From sin, of course. That's what he said. From egocentrism-- from self-centered, narcissistic, God-usurping self-concentration. The truth will set us free. That truth walked out of the city with death strapped to his back and assured everyone who followed him that this life is not for us to hold onto, it is for us to give. The truth is humility, it's selflessness. He said,
"If I didn't have to do this, I wouldn't. But I entrust myself to your will, Father."
Well, shoot. No one said it was easy. I won't romanticize daily suffering-- it is what it is, and it sucks. For some reason, the powerful drug that enflamed the bones of prophets and apostles has been turned into hopeless, helpless tylenol PM... good for minor aches, pains, and sleeping. I noticed it in chapel today: in myself and in everyone else. We're asleep.
I don't think I've ever read anything in the Bible that says anything good about people who fall asleep.
Tradition supports the humble. Scripture stands behind the selfless. Reason causes us to desire it. Experience makes us know it is good. I don't see anywhere we can fight this, brothers and sisters. We've got to wake up and free ourselves from thinking about ourselves!
7.3.09
Course correction
I don't mind the dark. I'm serious. When I walk into places unknown, I embrace the fear and the reality that I don't know where I'm going. It's fun for me to fly without a flightplan. But when the lights click on, that's when I'm disquieted. I fidget, and I can't sit still for the life of me.
Maybe walking in the dark leads me to believe that God will provide everything I need to live the way I think he wants me to. Of course, he does provide, but not always what I want. And when where I thought I was going becomes a lot farther away, it's easy for me to be discouraged. Optimism is easier when you can't see the destination.
Then, in the dark, I don't see who I am. I assume that living my life that way pleases God, because of the chances I take and the trials I face. I can tell myself that the way I've set up this furniture in my room has a special spiritual method, and it's good because of how my life happens around it in the reaching dark. The light reveals how completely unsatisfied I am with this room.
Don't take this the wrong way: this is not some kind of existential crisis. I know who I am, and I know where I came from. But I feel like where I want to be is even farther away than it used to be. Was this planned, or was this because of my lack of a plan? Time will tell. In the mean time, no matter how tired I am, no matter how the path is revealed, no matter how sick I get, I can continue to run forward. And I will.
Changing direction, I think, doesn't mean I was rebelling-- it means I was going somewhere. The wrong direction, though.
Maybe walking in the dark leads me to believe that God will provide everything I need to live the way I think he wants me to. Of course, he does provide, but not always what I want. And when where I thought I was going becomes a lot farther away, it's easy for me to be discouraged. Optimism is easier when you can't see the destination.
Then, in the dark, I don't see who I am. I assume that living my life that way pleases God, because of the chances I take and the trials I face. I can tell myself that the way I've set up this furniture in my room has a special spiritual method, and it's good because of how my life happens around it in the reaching dark. The light reveals how completely unsatisfied I am with this room.
Don't take this the wrong way: this is not some kind of existential crisis. I know who I am, and I know where I came from. But I feel like where I want to be is even farther away than it used to be. Was this planned, or was this because of my lack of a plan? Time will tell. In the mean time, no matter how tired I am, no matter how the path is revealed, no matter how sick I get, I can continue to run forward. And I will.
Changing direction, I think, doesn't mean I was rebelling-- it means I was going somewhere. The wrong direction, though.
25.2.09
I'm the Shredder.
As the camera zooms in on a giant pile of textbooks, papers, references, meeting agendas, and lists of missed calls, I'm waiting to see the hand punch through the side of the mound in dramatic resistance to the onslaught.
Because like the Shredder, I'll probably look back on being covered in garbage and laugh. Then I'll want revenge.
Like the Shredder in TMNT II.
Because like the Shredder, I'll probably look back on being covered in garbage and laugh. Then I'll want revenge.
9.2.09
6.2.09
Stewardship and submission
(Foreword: this is an essay I had to write for an internship application. I had to describe my interests in environmental science, including my coursework and extracurricular activities.)
“In all things of nature, there is something of the marvelous.” This was said by Aristotle in Parts of Animals, more than 2,000 years before my birth. His aged wisdom may be trapped behind the bars of a history book prison, to be interrogated by the mind of a historian and not one of an observer; but it can live on in my own ways. Nature is, aside from all others, beautiful—this makes its preservation, in my opinion, a worthy end in itself. However, a definitive practicality for this emerges from our own needs as a human species, as well. It is quite obvious to me, at the very least, that humans are offered a choice of interaction with their environment: we may act as blackmailing parasites, or as mutually benevolent partners. In either instance, I believe it follows that care for the environment serves not only my ontology, but my deontology as well.
Realistically, humans are as much of a product of their environment as any other animal. In the way I believe God has intended, we have developed into a species that is quite capable of thriving in a very specific way. It helps to mention, though, that we exist quite differently from other animals. In our case, it is easy to forget that the earth upon which we set out feet, our homes, our cars, and our factories is our biological cradle and fate in common. In a Biblical sense, it is the dust from which we rise, and to which we return. Having our fates so intrinsically combined, should I not make an intentional effort to see its health, its majesty, and its beauty preserved? The earth freely gave us life in the beginning of Genesis, and because of our faults, we now subsist on our exploitation of its life. It is not only my duty to preserve what the earth is and should be, but my right. The God-given gift of life is not one to be mindlessly squandered or stubbornly dismissed as entitlement. It is because of my interest in the conservation of life and beauty that my relationship with the environment has been watermarked by a sense of mutual respect and service, with all that I do.
Stamped across the syllabi of every science course I have taken at Spring Arbor is this commitment to Biblical stewardship. I remember specifically the arduous complication of methods in organic chemistry labs in favor of processes that were “greener” than simpler methods—altogether exemplary of this commitment. In a way, I have continued this course in my participation with a project on campus, designed to utilize biodiesel instead of normal fossil fuels. My work in biology courses served my commitment on a much more macroscopic scale. Ecology led me to see the de-magnified nature of nature, and the infinitely complex machines that exist to preserve the lives of individuals and groups. In zoology, botany, cell biology, and biological chemistry, the work I put forth guided me through the discovery of the various ways that smaller, but even more complex machines preserve life as a whole.
As I have explained to my classmates on several occasions, the detail and complexity with which I understand the world has exposed me to a very unique beauty; a beauty I had not previously known, nor appreciated. How could I leave this angel to be forced to descend to the hell of human greed, to the depravity of one-sided and silent disdain? To those uninterested in the aesthetic, are not our fates bound to that of the earth? There is no way for me to distance myself from its majesty, or from the giving submission of nature—so must I choose to submit to nature, in both gratitude and duty.
“In all things of nature, there is something of the marvelous.” This was said by Aristotle in Parts of Animals, more than 2,000 years before my birth. His aged wisdom may be trapped behind the bars of a history book prison, to be interrogated by the mind of a historian and not one of an observer; but it can live on in my own ways. Nature is, aside from all others, beautiful—this makes its preservation, in my opinion, a worthy end in itself. However, a definitive practicality for this emerges from our own needs as a human species, as well. It is quite obvious to me, at the very least, that humans are offered a choice of interaction with their environment: we may act as blackmailing parasites, or as mutually benevolent partners. In either instance, I believe it follows that care for the environment serves not only my ontology, but my deontology as well.
Realistically, humans are as much of a product of their environment as any other animal. In the way I believe God has intended, we have developed into a species that is quite capable of thriving in a very specific way. It helps to mention, though, that we exist quite differently from other animals. In our case, it is easy to forget that the earth upon which we set out feet, our homes, our cars, and our factories is our biological cradle and fate in common. In a Biblical sense, it is the dust from which we rise, and to which we return. Having our fates so intrinsically combined, should I not make an intentional effort to see its health, its majesty, and its beauty preserved? The earth freely gave us life in the beginning of Genesis, and because of our faults, we now subsist on our exploitation of its life. It is not only my duty to preserve what the earth is and should be, but my right. The God-given gift of life is not one to be mindlessly squandered or stubbornly dismissed as entitlement. It is because of my interest in the conservation of life and beauty that my relationship with the environment has been watermarked by a sense of mutual respect and service, with all that I do.
Stamped across the syllabi of every science course I have taken at Spring Arbor is this commitment to Biblical stewardship. I remember specifically the arduous complication of methods in organic chemistry labs in favor of processes that were “greener” than simpler methods—altogether exemplary of this commitment. In a way, I have continued this course in my participation with a project on campus, designed to utilize biodiesel instead of normal fossil fuels. My work in biology courses served my commitment on a much more macroscopic scale. Ecology led me to see the de-magnified nature of nature, and the infinitely complex machines that exist to preserve the lives of individuals and groups. In zoology, botany, cell biology, and biological chemistry, the work I put forth guided me through the discovery of the various ways that smaller, but even more complex machines preserve life as a whole.
As I have explained to my classmates on several occasions, the detail and complexity with which I understand the world has exposed me to a very unique beauty; a beauty I had not previously known, nor appreciated. How could I leave this angel to be forced to descend to the hell of human greed, to the depravity of one-sided and silent disdain? To those uninterested in the aesthetic, are not our fates bound to that of the earth? There is no way for me to distance myself from its majesty, or from the giving submission of nature—so must I choose to submit to nature, in both gratitude and duty.
2.2.09
What it looks like when I cave
Well, nuts. I suppose I've gotta write down 25 random things about myself. But I'm not telling you to read them.
1) Contrary to popular belief, I am not "missing" fingers. They didn't fall off or anything, that's silly. My fingers are, simply, very cleverly disguised by each other, having fused while I was in the womb. (science!)
2) I bought a FC Bayern Munich jacket in Germany. The next day, I discovered that my German ancestors are from Stuttgart. This is the equivalent of a Red Sox fan buying a Yankees jersey. Whoops.
3) Phlebotomy might be my life calling. I actually think it's a lot of fun to draw blood out of other people. This makes me a vampire, I think.
4) I was baptized as a Catholic. Technically, I've been a Catholic for most of my life-- right up until SLR 2007.
5) More often than not, I don't have a plan. Ever. Flying by the seat of my pants has made life both fun and extremely challenging.
6) I used to live on an island, and it was lame.
7) On that note, I've been in the eye of a hurricane. Incredibly surreal.
8) And on that note, I celebrated my eighth birthday while evacuating for Hurricane Bonnie in '96. We still had cake!
9) I love underdogs.
10) I sincerely hope that people don't think I'm trying to be a snob when I read philosophy books. I honestly do enjoy them, and I seriously considered being either a philosophy major or minor.
11) In my senior year of high school, I wrote a research paper on the negative effect of Santa Claus on our society. In doing so, I not only received an A, but also labeled Santa as a drunk and compared him to Stalin.
12) Writing is a minor hobby of mine. I have a notebook of poems that I've written, dating back to tenth grade. Don't ask to read them.
13) My brother and I taught my dad how to play Call of Duty 2. When we're together, at least one family deathmatch is required.
14) Sujon is the name of a child from Bangladesh that I sponsor through Compassion International. He is probably the coolest kid in the universe, and has partially inspired me to become a volunteer advocate for Compassion. You might see me at some tables soon...
15) I think ska is the greatest genre of music in the history of stuff.
16) I was chopped in the throat with a foam sword during my first and only game of Dagorhir.
17) I discovered very young that eating too many Skittles in one sitting will start to bore a hole in your tongue.
18) I used to play the trumpet. I was pretty good, too.
19) I totally freaked out when I beat a song on Expert in Rock Band (drums, "I Think I'm Paranoid" by Garbage). Just ask all of the people I told about it.
20) I've had six years overall of study in French, and I've only really used it twice.
21) My dream job is a public health administrator in East or North Africa.
22) Despite the amount of griping I make about it, I really enjoyed a lot of my job at the front desk of a hotel. I wouldn't mind doing it again.
23) I'm a fidgeter. I'm also a nail-biter.
24) I shot a deer once. It had sixteen pounds of meat on it. I felt terrible, but it tasted really good.
25) I am happiest when I know that someone else is better because of me.
1) Contrary to popular belief, I am not "missing" fingers. They didn't fall off or anything, that's silly. My fingers are, simply, very cleverly disguised by each other, having fused while I was in the womb. (science!)
2) I bought a FC Bayern Munich jacket in Germany. The next day, I discovered that my German ancestors are from Stuttgart. This is the equivalent of a Red Sox fan buying a Yankees jersey. Whoops.
3) Phlebotomy might be my life calling. I actually think it's a lot of fun to draw blood out of other people. This makes me a vampire, I think.
4) I was baptized as a Catholic. Technically, I've been a Catholic for most of my life-- right up until SLR 2007.
5) More often than not, I don't have a plan. Ever. Flying by the seat of my pants has made life both fun and extremely challenging.
6) I used to live on an island, and it was lame.
7) On that note, I've been in the eye of a hurricane. Incredibly surreal.
8) And on that note, I celebrated my eighth birthday while evacuating for Hurricane Bonnie in '96. We still had cake!
9) I love underdogs.
10) I sincerely hope that people don't think I'm trying to be a snob when I read philosophy books. I honestly do enjoy them, and I seriously considered being either a philosophy major or minor.
11) In my senior year of high school, I wrote a research paper on the negative effect of Santa Claus on our society. In doing so, I not only received an A, but also labeled Santa as a drunk and compared him to Stalin.
12) Writing is a minor hobby of mine. I have a notebook of poems that I've written, dating back to tenth grade. Don't ask to read them.
13) My brother and I taught my dad how to play Call of Duty 2. When we're together, at least one family deathmatch is required.
14) Sujon is the name of a child from Bangladesh that I sponsor through Compassion International. He is probably the coolest kid in the universe, and has partially inspired me to become a volunteer advocate for Compassion. You might see me at some tables soon...
15) I think ska is the greatest genre of music in the history of stuff.
16) I was chopped in the throat with a foam sword during my first and only game of Dagorhir.
17) I discovered very young that eating too many Skittles in one sitting will start to bore a hole in your tongue.
18) I used to play the trumpet. I was pretty good, too.
19) I totally freaked out when I beat a song on Expert in Rock Band (drums, "I Think I'm Paranoid" by Garbage). Just ask all of the people I told about it.
20) I've had six years overall of study in French, and I've only really used it twice.
21) My dream job is a public health administrator in East or North Africa.
22) Despite the amount of griping I make about it, I really enjoyed a lot of my job at the front desk of a hotel. I wouldn't mind doing it again.
23) I'm a fidgeter. I'm also a nail-biter.
24) I shot a deer once. It had sixteen pounds of meat on it. I felt terrible, but it tasted really good.
25) I am happiest when I know that someone else is better because of me.
25.1.09
A letter to nature
Dear Nature,
Despite the great efforts you have put forward against me in the past decade, I totally ate some eggs last night. And they were delicious.
In your face,
James
Despite the great efforts you have put forward against me in the past decade, I totally ate some eggs last night. And they were delicious.
In your face,
James
24.1.09
Who needs a TV?
It is not a party until you're calibrating a water-filtration pitcher to eliminate all the carbon dust, while wondering if Airborne NightTime is supposed to make bubbles that fast, and cooking a six-months' frozen turkey pot pie at 2:30 in the morning.
Take it. We know how to get down in 103.
[Edit: this pot pie is all dark meat! $0.69, Meijer??? I got ripped off.]
Take it. We know how to get down in 103.
[Edit: this pot pie is all dark meat! $0.69, Meijer??? I got ripped off.]
20.1.09
Propane and policemen
It strikes me as very odd that so many people around me have found it easy to be pessimistic about the next four years. Barack Obama, I think, speaks of a vision that has long been cast by political cynics, whom constitute most of my generation. Does he have the power to vanquish the political dogmas and infighting that make so many of us prefer to vomit than participate?
Well, no. Not by himself, and not in the time allotted.
However, he does represent a popular desire to change the way our representative sovereign state takes care of business around here. We're very lucky to have things the way they are, I'm convinced. Americans enjoy the kind of social freedoms that most of the world can only pray to have. The very fact that Obama was elected by a group of hundreds of millions of people is a testament to the unparalleled collaboration of philosophies of both liberty and community that exists in our nation. I'm proud to have been a part of it... sort of (I did vote for Nader). He is as hopeful as he is optimistic. And wouldn't you know, he and everyone else on that platform this afternoon spoke the words that we needed to hear:
Together, we've thrived; and together, we will continue to do so.
From this, though, we must temper the stoked fire of the desire of progress with the tradition of respect. The problems faced by our society are those provoked by a lack of ethical behavior.
Bankers who conspired to alleviate us of our money, instead of care for it on our behalf.
A long-planned and criminal occupation of a foreign nation, cleverly disguised as a "war", against a faceless enemy, who displays immeasurable qualities of both hatred and resolve; which is justified by a romanticized desire for global peace.
The postmodern family faces its worst challenges yet-- and their failures lead to a list of obvious, pervasive, and grinding defeats.
The popular disintegration of values regarding the life and well-being of another, to the end of personal convenience.
I hate to rain on the parade, but I can't help but point out just a few of the "gathering clouds and raging storms" Obama mentioned. He definitely has his work cut out for him...
... and so do we.
Well, no. Not by himself, and not in the time allotted.
However, he does represent a popular desire to change the way our representative sovereign state takes care of business around here. We're very lucky to have things the way they are, I'm convinced. Americans enjoy the kind of social freedoms that most of the world can only pray to have. The very fact that Obama was elected by a group of hundreds of millions of people is a testament to the unparalleled collaboration of philosophies of both liberty and community that exists in our nation. I'm proud to have been a part of it... sort of (I did vote for Nader). He is as hopeful as he is optimistic. And wouldn't you know, he and everyone else on that platform this afternoon spoke the words that we needed to hear:
Together, we've thrived; and together, we will continue to do so.
From this, though, we must temper the stoked fire of the desire of progress with the tradition of respect. The problems faced by our society are those provoked by a lack of ethical behavior.
Bankers who conspired to alleviate us of our money, instead of care for it on our behalf.
A long-planned and criminal occupation of a foreign nation, cleverly disguised as a "war", against a faceless enemy, who displays immeasurable qualities of both hatred and resolve; which is justified by a romanticized desire for global peace.
The postmodern family faces its worst challenges yet-- and their failures lead to a list of obvious, pervasive, and grinding defeats.
The popular disintegration of values regarding the life and well-being of another, to the end of personal convenience.
I hate to rain on the parade, but I can't help but point out just a few of the "gathering clouds and raging storms" Obama mentioned. He definitely has his work cut out for him...
... and so do we.
19.1.09
This is why I have a camera.
Snow is like my star.
It's altogether glorious; and by that, I mean that it's pretty. Though, I do enjoy the delicate silence. The hushed excitement of it falling, dancing in front of me... as it swoops down through the streetlight, a glimmer of beauty embraces my eyes. As it joins the top of my head and melts, I'm reminded that there are moments on earth where the present is heaven.
I can never forget that it's there-- snow reminds me of its uniqueness with every step I take. It reminds me of the fact that I have a camera. And that nothing ever stays the same. It is only possible to embrace what is constantly fluid, remembering that the Maker has thoughtfully shown me his love, time and time again.
It is the only good thing about the cold, I've said. I will admit, though, that I've never stood shivering as I experience this love of wonder and joy of life. It's not a good thing, it's a beautiful thing.
... he says, and she rolls her eyes.
It's altogether glorious; and by that, I mean that it's pretty. Though, I do enjoy the delicate silence. The hushed excitement of it falling, dancing in front of me... as it swoops down through the streetlight, a glimmer of beauty embraces my eyes. As it joins the top of my head and melts, I'm reminded that there are moments on earth where the present is heaven.
I can never forget that it's there-- snow reminds me of its uniqueness with every step I take. It reminds me of the fact that I have a camera. And that nothing ever stays the same. It is only possible to embrace what is constantly fluid, remembering that the Maker has thoughtfully shown me his love, time and time again.
It is the only good thing about the cold, I've said. I will admit, though, that I've never stood shivering as I experience this love of wonder and joy of life. It's not a good thing, it's a beautiful thing.
... he says, and she rolls her eyes.
15.1.09
"Good result"
I received another letter from my kid in Bangladesh today!
Background: I sponsor a child in Bangladesh through Compassion International. His name is Sujon, and he is currently in first place for the most awesome kid in the country.
He's in second grade... learning a lot... found Jesus (favorite verse is John 14:6, by the way)... and likes drawing. He wants to be a businessman, which I knew already, but he seems like a determined kid still. His dad works for a harvesting company, and his mom is a field laborer. He's a tweener of four kids, and he's six years old. He likes green, soccer, running... the only thing we could disagree on is that his favorite food is eggs (SICK). But you know what he asked me just now?
"Please pray for me that I may make a good result."
Profound much, kid? Yeah, Sujon. I think I can do that.
"Please pray for me that I may not squeeze the life out of you when I finally come to visit."
Background: I sponsor a child in Bangladesh through Compassion International. His name is Sujon, and he is currently in first place for the most awesome kid in the country.
He's in second grade... learning a lot... found Jesus (favorite verse is John 14:6, by the way)... and likes drawing. He wants to be a businessman, which I knew already, but he seems like a determined kid still. His dad works for a harvesting company, and his mom is a field laborer. He's a tweener of four kids, and he's six years old. He likes green, soccer, running... the only thing we could disagree on is that his favorite food is eggs (SICK). But you know what he asked me just now?
"Please pray for me that I may make a good result."
Profound much, kid? Yeah, Sujon. I think I can do that.
"Please pray for me that I may not squeeze the life out of you when I finally come to visit."
6.1.09
180 degrees away from a pillar of salt
It's interesting how simply going home makes me think about the way I used to be.
There are no specific points along the way where I can say that I stopped being one person and became another. It presents a sort of envy in me whenever I listen to a moment in time in someone's life, when they've decided to change, then and there. I'm either not that decisive, or not that indiscreet.
Today, though, made me ponder what I've done. It seems that I've managed to change my own direction just to spite the fact that this train hasn't come across any switches. It's as if the track was simply picked up and moved. Is this the wrong metaphor? Were the enemy troops in my soul expecting an ambush, instead of the slow beleaguering of goodness? Possibly, I've trained and weathered my own conscience to the point where all I can see to do is the right thing. I suppose it doesn't matter what the metaphor looks like; the point is clear and I'm off-topic. How could I have done so many things wrong? Was that what it took to bring me here?
Was it just switch after switch, until the landmarks by the tracks were drawn so commonly that I didn't bother to notice them anymore?
Was it just ambush after ambush, until the blood on my hands refused to be washed away, making it as skin and nail?
Was it another poor decision after bad advice, until I was forced to find my way back home in the faceless cold, time and time again?
All I could have done, and all I want to return to change-- it would be for nothing. The switches have guided my route from home, and the blood is tied to who I've become. It seems that this ridiculous and intense chain of events has made it impossible for me to move backward. For the first time in a long time, I am genuinely happy with who and where I am.
Now, in five years, I may look back and recall all of the poor decisions I'm about to make. Or, I may look back and say,
You know, I was really on to something.
There are no specific points along the way where I can say that I stopped being one person and became another. It presents a sort of envy in me whenever I listen to a moment in time in someone's life, when they've decided to change, then and there. I'm either not that decisive, or not that indiscreet.
Today, though, made me ponder what I've done. It seems that I've managed to change my own direction just to spite the fact that this train hasn't come across any switches. It's as if the track was simply picked up and moved. Is this the wrong metaphor? Were the enemy troops in my soul expecting an ambush, instead of the slow beleaguering of goodness? Possibly, I've trained and weathered my own conscience to the point where all I can see to do is the right thing. I suppose it doesn't matter what the metaphor looks like; the point is clear and I'm off-topic. How could I have done so many things wrong? Was that what it took to bring me here?
Was it just switch after switch, until the landmarks by the tracks were drawn so commonly that I didn't bother to notice them anymore?
Was it just ambush after ambush, until the blood on my hands refused to be washed away, making it as skin and nail?
Was it another poor decision after bad advice, until I was forced to find my way back home in the faceless cold, time and time again?
All I could have done, and all I want to return to change-- it would be for nothing. The switches have guided my route from home, and the blood is tied to who I've become. It seems that this ridiculous and intense chain of events has made it impossible for me to move backward. For the first time in a long time, I am genuinely happy with who and where I am.
Now, in five years, I may look back and recall all of the poor decisions I'm about to make. Or, I may look back and say,
You know, I was really on to something.
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