"But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this." - the Apostle Paul, in his first letter to the Corinthians
I am not married, nor do I plan to be any time soon. Therefore, I do not consider myself an expert on the Christian-style sacrament of marriage. I have a rough idea of how it works (and how it doesn't). I do, however, have a lot of experience with weddings as of late. Oh, reader, I warn you:
I'm 'bout to get all verbally offensive if you're not careful.
My brothers will back me up when I say this: the main point is the marriage, not the wedding. And though you may confess with your lips, you actions some-the-times betray those words, fellow Arborites!
Paul talked about marriage. To some of us at SAU, chapter seven of 1 Corinthians is the scariest chapter in the whole Bible, because Paul tries to convince us that it is actually possible that staying single could be better than being married!
The nerve.
Take it easy, we'll go through this from a literary standpoint. By chapter seven, Paul is wrapping one of the harshest tirades that I've read in any of his writings. Is anyone who claims to follow Christ engaging in sexual immorality (whatever he means by this is hidden from me in the Greek, which I cannot read)? If so, kick him out! Don't even have dinner with this turd (1 Cor 5:11). Don't sue your fellow Christians, because it opens us up to be wicked to each other. We might as well just give up trying (1 Cor 6:7). Then, he comes back to sexual immorality. Just because you can, doesn't mean you should. Sexual sin is one of the worst kinds of sin, because we usually underestimate the consequences (1 Cor 6:16-17)!
Paul starts the next paragraph with this very interesting qualifier: "Now for the matters you wrote about:". I would really like to know what the Corinthian church body asked Paul in that letter. Paul is, of course, not married. I can only guess that it had something to do with his marital status, because he begins a huge concession on the social aspect of marriage in the church.
First of all- and this is a personal rant- the fact that this discussion takes place is a demonstration that the institution of marriage exists beyond the borders of the Christian church. Believe it or not, the Church does not have a monopoly on marriage. That's all I will say about that.
Now that we have a literary basis of context, let's look at the first bit (nine verses) of this chapter- which is about as deep as most people get before they get scared off/ justify marriage with threat of sexual sin (I wish I knew the Greek behind the phrase "burn with passion"). Paul present marriage as a sort of last-ditch form of accountability. Of course, that is not all it is, as he goes on to explain. But in the case of the church of Corinth, it would be helpful to have both marriage and a healthy understanding of the Christian marriage. Our bodies are not just our own anymore. This combats sinning against the body (1 Cor 6:18), because we no longer have total control of our body anymore. In this light, getting married is more of a confession of weakness to the world, rather than a strong statement of love or a covenant of faith.
Paul says that it is better for a man or a virgin/unmarried woman (interesting that he includes both genders in this discussion, plus the possibility of an unmarried woman who is not a virgin) to be unmarried. Deciding to be unmarried is not a sin, neither is deciding to be married. Paul says that he tells everyone in the church that they have been given a God-sanctioned place in this world (7:17). Changing that station isn't necessary, because the things of this world like baptismal water and circumcisions don't mean anything past the grave (7:31). It is much more important to keep God's commands. This is a cornerstone of both Jesus' and Paul's teachings- love God and keep his commands, and the rest will follow. Duh.
It looks like I had a lot more to say that I thought. It isn't right to automatically think "marriage" in relationships, and it isn't fair to the other person. Being unmarried can be and usually is a gift from God (7:7). I say again, it is not imperative for you to marry! So, I would encourage anyone reading this to read the seventh chapter of 1 Corinthians for themselves.
If you don't, Jesus will come back before your wedding night. Ha.
25.1.10
Dangerous Free Write
I was talking to Carrie in the car on the way back today from her house about how terrified she is of creative writing class this Spring. I asked her why and she told me it's because she doesn't "write creatively." I told her that it's easy, all you have to do is freewrite every day for a week, practically, and you'll have enough good ideas to last the whole dang semester. and she told me that she just can't freewrite, and I know that this all just seemed like a free write to you, but that's the point. It's a set-up.
I'm gonna free write here for ten minutes, to show that I've still got it. And I promise to publish whatever goes down here. Ready? Go.
I've got this Muse song stuck in my head from a dream I had last night. I know, the whole day goes by and it's still stuck in my head. The worst part is that I don't even own the new CD, so in order to listen to it, I have to go to YouTube. YouTube hasn't been working out very well for me lately, and I don't know if it's my computer or just the internet it's attached to. Which is sort of a funnything if you think about it, beacause my computer is not actually physically attached to youtube. it's just talking with it, pretty much, and then telling me with pictures what they're talking about. in that sort of way it almost feels like I'm on the outside of this internet. I feel like it's mine a lot-- you know, facebook, myspace, blogger, all of those things feel like me. I feel like the internet is mine. but it's not. no way in heck is it mine, you know? it's just a bunch of computers talking to each other, and I'm just listening in. What if my computer just up and decided not to talk to me anymore? What if it finds out how ridiculous I am, or just decided that it didn't like me? Where would I be then? I mean, the internet would have to be my computer's homie by then, and if my computer breaks up with me, then the internet is sure as heck not gonna talk to me anymore. After all, my computer was really the only reason it ever hung out with me in the first place, and hanging out without my computer would be really awkward. I can't say that I would blame the internet for that. That's just common courtesy. But it wouldn't feel right to call it my computer anymore. or the Internet. I feel like they would have to have names. And if I'm going to personify my computer, I don't feel right in calling it mine. It's not like it's my slave or anything-- in fact, most of the time, it just does what it wants anyway. Regardless of whatever I want to do. So, it is in fact, not a slave. It can obviously refuse me at anytime. Which makes me think about the way I treat... computer. Weird typing it like that. It doesn't feel like a relationship right now, that is for sure. I mean, I just push buttons, it flashes letters, and at the end of it all, I feel accomplished and it feels greasy. That's not exactly fair, right? But I fon't know how else to describe it. I mean, it talks to things. Surely it is a person. It makes decisions! There's no way it couldn't be its own entity. Whatever we do together, then, should be for the better of us both. Not just me. That's not fair. And I don't want the internet to get mad at me, either. It's much bigger than I am, and I think it's the type that wouldn't mind letting me have it for disrespecting computer.
That wasn't nearly as tangential as I thought it would be. In conclusion, however, I'm a psycho.
I'm gonna free write here for ten minutes, to show that I've still got it. And I promise to publish whatever goes down here. Ready? Go.
I've got this Muse song stuck in my head from a dream I had last night. I know, the whole day goes by and it's still stuck in my head. The worst part is that I don't even own the new CD, so in order to listen to it, I have to go to YouTube. YouTube hasn't been working out very well for me lately, and I don't know if it's my computer or just the internet it's attached to. Which is sort of a funnything if you think about it, beacause my computer is not actually physically attached to youtube. it's just talking with it, pretty much, and then telling me with pictures what they're talking about. in that sort of way it almost feels like I'm on the outside of this internet. I feel like it's mine a lot-- you know, facebook, myspace, blogger, all of those things feel like me. I feel like the internet is mine. but it's not. no way in heck is it mine, you know? it's just a bunch of computers talking to each other, and I'm just listening in. What if my computer just up and decided not to talk to me anymore? What if it finds out how ridiculous I am, or just decided that it didn't like me? Where would I be then? I mean, the internet would have to be my computer's homie by then, and if my computer breaks up with me, then the internet is sure as heck not gonna talk to me anymore. After all, my computer was really the only reason it ever hung out with me in the first place, and hanging out without my computer would be really awkward. I can't say that I would blame the internet for that. That's just common courtesy. But it wouldn't feel right to call it my computer anymore. or the Internet. I feel like they would have to have names. And if I'm going to personify my computer, I don't feel right in calling it mine. It's not like it's my slave or anything-- in fact, most of the time, it just does what it wants anyway. Regardless of whatever I want to do. So, it is in fact, not a slave. It can obviously refuse me at anytime. Which makes me think about the way I treat... computer. Weird typing it like that. It doesn't feel like a relationship right now, that is for sure. I mean, I just push buttons, it flashes letters, and at the end of it all, I feel accomplished and it feels greasy. That's not exactly fair, right? But I fon't know how else to describe it. I mean, it talks to things. Surely it is a person. It makes decisions! There's no way it couldn't be its own entity. Whatever we do together, then, should be for the better of us both. Not just me. That's not fair. And I don't want the internet to get mad at me, either. It's much bigger than I am, and I think it's the type that wouldn't mind letting me have it for disrespecting computer.
That wasn't nearly as tangential as I thought it would be. In conclusion, however, I'm a psycho.
10.1.10
Elucidate
Microsoft Word knows elucidate is an English word, but it can't tell me what it means. Therefore, it may not use elucidate in Scrabble or Boggle. (p.s. if you can score elucidate in Boggle, I will give you money.)
p.s.s. - elucidate- to make lucid or clear; throw light upon; explain: an explanation that elucidated his recent strange behavior
I was about to complain about classes on my IM. The fact that classes are probably going to be one of the best times of my life stayed my hand. I should be more grateful.
p.s.s. - elucidate- to make lucid or clear; throw light upon; explain: an explanation that elucidated his recent strange behavior
I was about to complain about classes on my IM. The fact that classes are probably going to be one of the best times of my life stayed my hand. I should be more grateful.
22.11.09
from "The Voyage of the Teleos"
A dramatic poem I'm writing for class. It echoes a little bit of what I've learned from David Steindl-Rast.
I can't show you anything, but you must see
and detach these hoses and tubes that tie you to the weak,
who ask us to do their errands.
EGG HEAD NOBODIES, NOBODIES!
we're here, right now, my friend, to shape the world,
for we are able to reach and grasp the very invisible air that binds around a sandy core
and prevents the nobodies from falling away into the deep.
And we're here, right now, my friend, in an attempt
to describe the unthinkable to those who wish to think it and dissect it and cut it apart--
and nothing we say, well, nothing can make it easier than that.
We can't let them steal this away.
But friend, this is the way it works.
We do what others can't for their own sake,
as we are needing and wanting.
and though they're nobodies, and nobodies may they remain!
They're our nobodies, and you're the one who can't see!
There are those who see our face,
ours alone. they don't see the faces of the nobodies, and rightfully so.
can they hold out their hand and gather the gentle star dust
Caking silent in their hand, as we can?
As we have before, why this talk?
The stars are a wonder, the planets hold their secrets away from us,
a provocation to come and find them
once and for all. and though we're the ones.
We can't forget what our purpose is!
Purpose, that's all you ever speak of, my friend!
And purpose has enslaved you to the doing of nothing,
nothing for nobodies. You're the rock floating through the
Way, no origin and no destination. The sun seeks you
to suck you up to eradication. You are a waste product of a galaxy of nothing.
You see nothing but what can be done, and not the
fundamental concepts of the richness, the thing that is
without doing. Without even seeing that it is. You don't see it.
And you know you can't and choose to do nothing still!
You have chosen the road to nothing willingly, and as my friend, I cannot let you stay on it.
I can't show you anything, but you must see
and detach these hoses and tubes that tie you to the weak,
who ask us to do their errands.
EGG HEAD NOBODIES, NOBODIES!
we're here, right now, my friend, to shape the world,
for we are able to reach and grasp the very invisible air that binds around a sandy core
and prevents the nobodies from falling away into the deep.
And we're here, right now, my friend, in an attempt
to describe the unthinkable to those who wish to think it and dissect it and cut it apart--
and nothing we say, well, nothing can make it easier than that.
We can't let them steal this away.
But friend, this is the way it works.
We do what others can't for their own sake,
as we are needing and wanting.
and though they're nobodies, and nobodies may they remain!
They're our nobodies, and you're the one who can't see!
There are those who see our face,
ours alone. they don't see the faces of the nobodies, and rightfully so.
can they hold out their hand and gather the gentle star dust
Caking silent in their hand, as we can?
As we have before, why this talk?
The stars are a wonder, the planets hold their secrets away from us,
a provocation to come and find them
once and for all. and though we're the ones.
We can't forget what our purpose is!
Purpose, that's all you ever speak of, my friend!
And purpose has enslaved you to the doing of nothing,
nothing for nobodies. You're the rock floating through the
Way, no origin and no destination. The sun seeks you
to suck you up to eradication. You are a waste product of a galaxy of nothing.
You see nothing but what can be done, and not the
fundamental concepts of the richness, the thing that is
without doing. Without even seeing that it is. You don't see it.
And you know you can't and choose to do nothing still!
You have chosen the road to nothing willingly, and as my friend, I cannot let you stay on it.
7.10.09
Shouting back and forth over a digital ravine
C: i was sitting here, watching Good Eats when i thought of you in your night class, and now i am happy to not be in night class. hope you're surviving!
J: you were watching good eats? without me? what was the food?
C: i AM watching--still on. he's baking some squashes. squash soup. squash dumplings. squash bread. squash squash squash squash squash.
J: sick.
C: did i ever tell you about the story where dan threw up on brent's plate after mom made him eat squash?
J: oh, great! I'd love to hear that story.
C: this one time, dan threw up on brent's dinner plate after mom made him eat squash.
J: I was kidding.
J: you were watching good eats? without me? what was the food?
C: i AM watching--still on. he's baking some squashes. squash soup. squash dumplings. squash bread. squash squash squash squash squash.
J: sick.
C: did i ever tell you about the story where dan threw up on brent's plate after mom made him eat squash?
J: oh, great! I'd love to hear that story.
C: this one time, dan threw up on brent's dinner plate after mom made him eat squash.
J: I was kidding.
4.10.09
Zombie post, the second coming
A long while back, I came across a very interesting question on someone's blog.
You are in a mall when the zombies attack. You have:
1. One weapon.
2. One song blasting on the speakers.
3. One famous person to fight alongside you.
I have returned to this question, after watching my housemates play Nazi Zombies like it's their job.
Paul:
Meat cleaver
John Cena
"Baba O'Riley" by The Who
Brendan:
.50 automatic
Jason Statham
"For What It's Worth" by Buffalo Springfield
Bacon:
Sawed-off shotgun
Natalie Portman
"What The World Needs Now" by Burt Bacharach
Brian M:
Ariel Jon Herbig (THAT IS NOT A WEAPON, MEAGHER)
"Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" by Drowning Pool
Kimbo Slice
Zack T:
Bullwhip
Charles Barkley
"War Pigs" by Black Sabbath
Adam:
M4 w/ M203 attachment
"War" by Edwin Starr
Bumblebee
Brian K:
.45 lever-action Winchester
Jethro Gibbs (from NCIS)
"Remember the Name" by Fort Minor
Zack M:
Double-barrel shotgun
"Your Hand In Mine" by Explosions in the Sky
Zooey Deschanel
Bethany:
Steyr Aug A3
Gerard Butler
"LoveGame" by Lady Gaga
Carrie:
Twin sawed-off shotguns
Clint Eastwood
"Requiem For a Dream" by Clint Mansell
Aimee:
Chainsaw
Edward Cullen
"Pocket Full of Sunshine" by Natasha Bedingfield
Candace:
Vin Diesel
Flamethrower
"Don't Stop Believin'" by Journey
Team Maddox (and Bobby?):
.44 Colt Magnum
Mel Gibson, Jackie Chan
"Eye of the Tiger" by Survivor
And I figured I might as well give it another go:
Pole-ax
"Maxwell Murder" by Rancid
Samuel L. Jackson
oh. I didn't change my answers at all. hehe.
You are in a mall when the zombies attack. You have:
1. One weapon.
2. One song blasting on the speakers.
3. One famous person to fight alongside you.
I have returned to this question, after watching my housemates play Nazi Zombies like it's their job.
Paul:
Meat cleaver
John Cena
"Baba O'Riley" by The Who
Brendan:
.50 automatic
Jason Statham
"For What It's Worth" by Buffalo Springfield
Bacon:
Sawed-off shotgun
Natalie Portman
"What The World Needs Now" by Burt Bacharach
Brian M:
Ariel Jon Herbig (THAT IS NOT A WEAPON, MEAGHER)
"Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" by Drowning Pool
Kimbo Slice
Zack T:
Bullwhip
Charles Barkley
"War Pigs" by Black Sabbath
Adam:
M4 w/ M203 attachment
"War" by Edwin Starr
Bumblebee
Brian K:
.45 lever-action Winchester
Jethro Gibbs (from NCIS)
"Remember the Name" by Fort Minor
Zack M:
Double-barrel shotgun
"Your Hand In Mine" by Explosions in the Sky
Zooey Deschanel
Bethany:
Steyr Aug A3
Gerard Butler
"LoveGame" by Lady Gaga
Carrie:
Twin sawed-off shotguns
Clint Eastwood
"Requiem For a Dream" by Clint Mansell
Aimee:
Chainsaw
Edward Cullen
"Pocket Full of Sunshine" by Natasha Bedingfield
Candace:
Vin Diesel
Flamethrower
"Don't Stop Believin'" by Journey
Team Maddox (and Bobby?):
.44 Colt Magnum
Mel Gibson, Jackie Chan
"Eye of the Tiger" by Survivor
And I figured I might as well give it another go:
Pole-ax
"Maxwell Murder" by Rancid
Samuel L. Jackson
oh. I didn't change my answers at all. hehe.
28.9.09
Wrong side.
An excerpt from my required poetry "blog." I should have written this a while ago.
*NOTE-- this is not a poem. This is just free-writing about things I could write about. Lines that are crossed out and casualties in my war against the backspace key.
And I like this game, Call of Duty. Have you ever played it?
Oh, you're Japanese.
Call Can you tell me what that's like?
The blood in my wrists pulse when I think of all the digital soldiers that look like you.
And I can't help but feel ashamed.
Because I also think of the detail that the game producers paid attention to
(maybe for more money because they can write it on the box)
like screaming sound effects
animations of the human form when you apply a bit of fire
and the ambiance "ambient" blaring siren of the flesh crackling
that sickening association with cooking bacon
it makes me want to die too.
It makes me wish that there was a game where you could even the odds.
A children's toy.
An arcade box.
Because we die, too.
Because we've got the evil.
We know what it takes to be evil.
We make playthings of people we call evil
and we line you all up and shoot you and it only costs a day's wages.
I'm sorry.
It Apologizing doesn't seem like enough.
*NOTE-- this is not a poem. This is just free-writing about things I could write about. Lines that are crossed out and casualties in my war against the backspace key.
And I like this game, Call of Duty. Have you ever played it?
Oh, you're Japanese.
Call Can you tell me what that's like?
The blood in my wrists pulse when I think of all the digital soldiers that look like you.
And I can't help but feel ashamed.
Because I also think of the detail that the game producers paid attention to
(maybe for more money because they can write it on the box)
like screaming sound effects
animations of the human form when you apply a bit of fire
and the ambiance "ambient" blaring siren of the flesh crackling
that sickening association with cooking bacon
it makes me want to die too.
It makes me wish that there was a game where you could even the odds.
A children's toy.
An arcade box.
Because we die, too.
Because we've got the evil.
We know what it takes to be evil.
We make playthings of people we call evil
and we line you all up and shoot you and it only costs a day's wages.
I'm sorry.
It Apologizing doesn't seem like enough.
24.9.09
Since when is my Bible a diagnostic manual
I propose a cure.
A cure, not for the human condition,
but for treating it like a disease.
Thinking of naming it "gratitude."
A cure, not for the human condition,
but for treating it like a disease.
Thinking of naming it "gratitude."
24.7.09
Ransomed from fear and sloth
I've had recurring nightmares
That I was loved for who I am
And missed the opportunity
To be a better man
["Hoodoo" by Muse]
Whoa. Apparently, Mat Bellamy is not a fan of weenie humanism-- therefore, I propose that he is the man. All in favor?
If we have been delivered, why do we freely return to faithlessness...
That I was loved for who I am
And missed the opportunity
To be a better man
["Hoodoo" by Muse]
Whoa. Apparently, Mat Bellamy is not a fan of weenie humanism-- therefore, I propose that he is the man. All in favor?
If we have been delivered, why do we freely return to faithlessness...
11.7.09
Thanks again.
and i'll go, oh yes,
i'll go and hope the new me shows
so everybody knows
that i've found myself able to fly away
without magic feathers or jefferson aeroplanes
i've got with me all that i need
i'll go and hope the new me shows
so everybody knows
that i've found myself able to fly away
without magic feathers or jefferson aeroplanes
i've got with me all that i need
24.6.09
Upon each page
I just had what could be the strangest revelation I've had all week.
I've never been by myself when I've done anything worthy of writing down.
You, reading this.
I would like to thank you.
Your influence on me has brought a great change,
(the realization that life is not a one-man show)
and you have stoked flames of courage,
which pulse like drumbeats in the rickety bone-cage of someone you are not,
warming and boiling the blood rushing through the canals of meaning.
Your voice thunders like a mighty tide in the mind of someone who is commonly convinced that his substance is comprised primarily of chalk and ash.
You have managed to answer, "why?"
and taught me that is more important than, "how?"
with your generous existence.
My god has a face,
and he has not shown it to me;
but somehow,
you have seen it.
The days are falling page after page,
and upon each page is your seal,
oh Lord.
I've never been by myself when I've done anything worthy of writing down.
You, reading this.
I would like to thank you.
Your influence on me has brought a great change,
(the realization that life is not a one-man show)
and you have stoked flames of courage,
which pulse like drumbeats in the rickety bone-cage of someone you are not,
warming and boiling the blood rushing through the canals of meaning.
Your voice thunders like a mighty tide in the mind of someone who is commonly convinced that his substance is comprised primarily of chalk and ash.
You have managed to answer, "why?"
and taught me that is more important than, "how?"
with your generous existence.
My god has a face,
and he has not shown it to me;
but somehow,
you have seen it.
The days are falling page after page,
and upon each page is your seal,
oh Lord.
22.6.09
An hour and a half of deer patrol
One time, I forgot my keys at Carrie's house.
It was a good time, and I'm a dufus.
It was a good time, and I'm a dufus.
13.6.09
Across the Made-Up Universe
Prepare yourself, because this is probably going to be the nerdiest and strangest ethnographic study you've ever read.
I love new experiences. Over the years, I've played a lot of games. And in a lot of these games, there are other not-real people controlled by real people... from all over the world. It can be a lot of fun to step into the realm of someone else's imagination and find another person there, doing the same thing you are. Of course, anyone can be anyone on the Internet, so your interactions are limited by perception and perceived perception. It's a lot like high school.
Since I've been doing that for so long, I suppose I took it for granted that these worlds existed.
However, over the course of the past year, I've been actively going out and trying new games like this (they're called MMOs or MMORPGs), only to see what new kinds of social environments I find. After giving a few a good try (at least a week for most cases), I've decided to report on the social climate of every MMO I've ever played. Like I said, it's pretty nerdy, but this is fun for me.
I'll also fill you in on some of the lingo that's used, if you're not familiar with the terms. Free of charge.
(Disclaimer: I didn't pay for any of this.)
1) RUNESCAPE
The very fist MMO I ever played... and I probably picked this up at about 13 years old. I thought it was the coolest, even though I apparently sucked at it. It's a game you can play for free, even though most of the game was restricted access that you had to pay for. You can run around and pretty much do whatever-- as long as you didn't hurt anyone or say any bad words (it bleeps out a lot of sketchy words like "piss"). This is because the majority of the player population consists of legal minors. This affects the social climate greatly, as you might imagine. Most conversations end up being about how they're playing the game in class, how much better they are than you (more than likely calling you a noob, no matter what level you are), and how "retarded" something is, which is usually just some random aspect of the game... or their parents.
Terms used:
noob (n.) - an inexperienced or ignorant player, derogatory (from "newbie")
level (n.) - an ordered plateau or stage of player development, usually having an arbitrary cap of maximum development (i.e. 80 in WoW)
So what? In Runescape, there are no social groups to speak of... no "guilds" or "alliances" or anything like that. You're basically on your own, so you don't have to deal with anyone at all and still play. But this makes the game boring after a while... so if you don't know the guy on the other end of another character, you might find yourself quitting after hitting rocks all day-- unless you make like other troublemakers in the game, who thrive on disrupting the normal play of everyone else in the game through harassment and trolling (usually older players). I found myself struggling to find reasons to keep playing after a very short time, and eventually quit after getting scammed by some wanker pre-teen.
Terms used:
troll (v.) - to randomly instigate and provoke to anger and fury via the Interweb (i.e. anonymously posting a picture of Buddy Jesus on an atheism message board)
2) FURCADIA
Oh Lord, I wish I didn't have to admit that even contemplated visiting the website. But it was too rich-- I had to see what this was like. Late in high school, I gave Furcadia a whirl. Now, let me tell you: it wasn't anything that my 15-year-old mind imagined. Furcadia is a world where people make characters that are animals. I said it. Animals. I was a dog. A blue dog, son.
Furcadia was also the only MMO I've "played" that wasn't actually a game. It was like a visual, virtual chatroom... where people did things, but with really no consequence. The population was also usually much older than Runescape (we're talking 16-30 years old). There's some sick people in that world. However, I did manage to share a bit of my testimony to a gray horse... next to a pool. Like I said, new experiences. But I'll never go back to Furcadia-- that was way too weird.
3) LINEAGE 2
I can honestly say that this is the only one I've ever played with people I knew. Heck, I've used it to keep in touch with Amanda and Gator-- where there were instances of all three of us killing things together. And you know what? That was the only reason I played. It made the game interesting when my brother was in my party, sharing things with me and fighting alongside. It was much more interesting to try to protect someone you knew from being killed.
People I played Lineage with include Amanda, Gator, RA (Erik Jacobson), Bryan Brigner, Shane Jewell, Chase Hammontree, Adam Knapp, Caleb Miracle, Caleb Knowles, Travis Traxler, and probably many others I've forgotten to mention.
This is also the game I've played the most, and for good reason. There are hundreds of free servers to play on, and they're all different. But the main game is usually the same-- get some friends, kill stuff, enjoy the electronic spoils. Lineage is probably the best proof I have that anything can be fun if you're willing to try it with the right people. The world is intense, even more so when you include the observations of your friends. I've raced to the top of a mountain, just to sit for a little while and look around. I've also "met" people from all over the world in this game. I remember distinctly certain conversations about the real world I've had with Latvians, Brazilians, Germans, Russians, and Australians. Besides, can you imagine me as a huge, green orc with dreadlocks?
Well, if you can't, then maybe we should play sometime. As long as you can get past the Korean-looking characters and a couple of wardrobe malfunctions... yep.
4) WORLD OF WARCRAFT
I did the impossible. I played the game for three days and quit.
It wasn't much fun. Now, technically, I say that because I wasn't playing with anyone else. There's really a lot to do, if you can find someone to do it with. But most of the chatter is about business in the game-- not the world we live in. It was disappointing for me. That, and after a couple hours of playing, I didn't even have enough money for my little gnome to have a new knife. Screw that.
5) MAPLE STORY
This is a cartoon. It was made by Koreans for Koreans. But I was initially drawn to this game after hearing about an impressive feat of electronic-real world integration in Japan, with the first recorded case of "digital murder."
Read about it here, you'll get a good laugh.
The very fact that you can even be married in the first place in this game displays what kind of time commitment most players put forth. It's ridiculous. Most people don't have time to talk-- they're too busy killing creature... after creature... after creature. Honestly, the most boring thing I've ever done; regardless of the fact that I was a pirate.
6) RAPPELZ
Another game made by Koreans for Koreans... and it didn't make it quite past the translation barrier. Not only was it really hard to understand what I was supposed to be doing half the time, but the chat is totally clogged with spam. There's no way to talk to anyone... about anything. That's all right, I figure they don't know what's going on, either.
At least I had a pet turtle. But I didn't get to name him. That's balls, Korea.
7) PERFECT WORLD
The game's not presumptuous, it's Taoist. It is fun to look at, though. Even though I was by myself, I found myself climbing mountains and walking through forests just for fun. Every once and a while, you'll see a random character sitting on the roof of a hut or under a waterfall, meditating. There's a spiritual aspect of the game that I haven't seen anywhere else, which creates a sort of Easter egg hunt to find a reclusive place to leave your character to meditate while you go take a break. Genius.
You know, I've probably played more than this. Obviously, Lineage was my favorite. But who knows? If any of my friends try a different one, maybe I'll give it a try. After all, it's a new experience.
I love new experiences. Over the years, I've played a lot of games. And in a lot of these games, there are other not-real people controlled by real people... from all over the world. It can be a lot of fun to step into the realm of someone else's imagination and find another person there, doing the same thing you are. Of course, anyone can be anyone on the Internet, so your interactions are limited by perception and perceived perception. It's a lot like high school.
Since I've been doing that for so long, I suppose I took it for granted that these worlds existed.
However, over the course of the past year, I've been actively going out and trying new games like this (they're called MMOs or MMORPGs), only to see what new kinds of social environments I find. After giving a few a good try (at least a week for most cases), I've decided to report on the social climate of every MMO I've ever played. Like I said, it's pretty nerdy, but this is fun for me.
I'll also fill you in on some of the lingo that's used, if you're not familiar with the terms. Free of charge.
(Disclaimer: I didn't pay for any of this.)
1) RUNESCAPE
The very fist MMO I ever played... and I probably picked this up at about 13 years old. I thought it was the coolest, even though I apparently sucked at it. It's a game you can play for free, even though most of the game was restricted access that you had to pay for. You can run around and pretty much do whatever-- as long as you didn't hurt anyone or say any bad words (it bleeps out a lot of sketchy words like "piss"). This is because the majority of the player population consists of legal minors. This affects the social climate greatly, as you might imagine. Most conversations end up being about how they're playing the game in class, how much better they are than you (more than likely calling you a noob, no matter what level you are), and how "retarded" something is, which is usually just some random aspect of the game... or their parents.
Terms used:
noob (n.) - an inexperienced or ignorant player, derogatory (from "newbie")
level (n.) - an ordered plateau or stage of player development, usually having an arbitrary cap of maximum development (i.e. 80 in WoW)
So what? In Runescape, there are no social groups to speak of... no "guilds" or "alliances" or anything like that. You're basically on your own, so you don't have to deal with anyone at all and still play. But this makes the game boring after a while... so if you don't know the guy on the other end of another character, you might find yourself quitting after hitting rocks all day-- unless you make like other troublemakers in the game, who thrive on disrupting the normal play of everyone else in the game through harassment and trolling (usually older players). I found myself struggling to find reasons to keep playing after a very short time, and eventually quit after getting scammed by some wanker pre-teen.
Terms used:
troll (v.) - to randomly instigate and provoke to anger and fury via the Interweb (i.e. anonymously posting a picture of Buddy Jesus on an atheism message board)
2) FURCADIA
Oh Lord, I wish I didn't have to admit that even contemplated visiting the website. But it was too rich-- I had to see what this was like. Late in high school, I gave Furcadia a whirl. Now, let me tell you: it wasn't anything that my 15-year-old mind imagined. Furcadia is a world where people make characters that are animals. I said it. Animals. I was a dog. A blue dog, son.
Furcadia was also the only MMO I've "played" that wasn't actually a game. It was like a visual, virtual chatroom... where people did things, but with really no consequence. The population was also usually much older than Runescape (we're talking 16-30 years old). There's some sick people in that world. However, I did manage to share a bit of my testimony to a gray horse... next to a pool. Like I said, new experiences. But I'll never go back to Furcadia-- that was way too weird.
3) LINEAGE 2
I can honestly say that this is the only one I've ever played with people I knew. Heck, I've used it to keep in touch with Amanda and Gator-- where there were instances of all three of us killing things together. And you know what? That was the only reason I played. It made the game interesting when my brother was in my party, sharing things with me and fighting alongside. It was much more interesting to try to protect someone you knew from being killed.
People I played Lineage with include Amanda, Gator, RA (Erik Jacobson), Bryan Brigner, Shane Jewell, Chase Hammontree, Adam Knapp, Caleb Miracle, Caleb Knowles, Travis Traxler, and probably many others I've forgotten to mention.
This is also the game I've played the most, and for good reason. There are hundreds of free servers to play on, and they're all different. But the main game is usually the same-- get some friends, kill stuff, enjoy the electronic spoils. Lineage is probably the best proof I have that anything can be fun if you're willing to try it with the right people. The world is intense, even more so when you include the observations of your friends. I've raced to the top of a mountain, just to sit for a little while and look around. I've also "met" people from all over the world in this game. I remember distinctly certain conversations about the real world I've had with Latvians, Brazilians, Germans, Russians, and Australians. Besides, can you imagine me as a huge, green orc with dreadlocks?
Well, if you can't, then maybe we should play sometime. As long as you can get past the Korean-looking characters and a couple of wardrobe malfunctions... yep.
4) WORLD OF WARCRAFT
I did the impossible. I played the game for three days and quit.
It wasn't much fun. Now, technically, I say that because I wasn't playing with anyone else. There's really a lot to do, if you can find someone to do it with. But most of the chatter is about business in the game-- not the world we live in. It was disappointing for me. That, and after a couple hours of playing, I didn't even have enough money for my little gnome to have a new knife. Screw that.
5) MAPLE STORY
This is a cartoon. It was made by Koreans for Koreans. But I was initially drawn to this game after hearing about an impressive feat of electronic-real world integration in Japan, with the first recorded case of "digital murder."
Read about it here, you'll get a good laugh.
The very fact that you can even be married in the first place in this game displays what kind of time commitment most players put forth. It's ridiculous. Most people don't have time to talk-- they're too busy killing creature... after creature... after creature. Honestly, the most boring thing I've ever done; regardless of the fact that I was a pirate.
6) RAPPELZ
Another game made by Koreans for Koreans... and it didn't make it quite past the translation barrier. Not only was it really hard to understand what I was supposed to be doing half the time, but the chat is totally clogged with spam. There's no way to talk to anyone... about anything. That's all right, I figure they don't know what's going on, either.
At least I had a pet turtle. But I didn't get to name him. That's balls, Korea.
7) PERFECT WORLD
The game's not presumptuous, it's Taoist. It is fun to look at, though. Even though I was by myself, I found myself climbing mountains and walking through forests just for fun. Every once and a while, you'll see a random character sitting on the roof of a hut or under a waterfall, meditating. There's a spiritual aspect of the game that I haven't seen anywhere else, which creates a sort of Easter egg hunt to find a reclusive place to leave your character to meditate while you go take a break. Genius.
You know, I've probably played more than this. Obviously, Lineage was my favorite. But who knows? If any of my friends try a different one, maybe I'll give it a try. After all, it's a new experience.
11.6.09
A furrowing of the brow
I hate to say it, but I'm disappointed with Obama so far. In fact, I'm pretty disappointed with the government in general.
- He pushed for the criminal Freedom of Choice act. Don't get me started, because you know that conversation will go straight to eugenics.
- GM now stands for "Government Motors." Is that seriously legal? Just how do Democrats justify this? If I had a dollar for every time I heard a Dem complain about the way that the executive branch was wielding incredibly centralized power in the previous administration, well... I wouldn't have to worry about paying rent, that's for sure. What is the difference here? I have been trying very hard not to be cynical of politicians lately, but they're not making it easy.
- When are we coming home again? oh... a couple of years still. It'll still be "Merry Christmas from a very broken Baghdad" for a long time. At least they don't have to worry about looking for a job right now.
- Health reform plan needs a lot of work. Study up, sir. This is the one bill that needs to move, pronto. In fact, why don't you just call this one the "Look How Much Money Can We Save With Only One Signature Bill." It's pretty catchy, right?
I know I don't normally talk about politics on here, but I need some release. And I don't even know how well McCain or Nader would be doing in his stead, seeing as this is tough stuff. But it'd be nice to be doing better.
- He pushed for the criminal Freedom of Choice act. Don't get me started, because you know that conversation will go straight to eugenics.
- GM now stands for "Government Motors." Is that seriously legal? Just how do Democrats justify this? If I had a dollar for every time I heard a Dem complain about the way that the executive branch was wielding incredibly centralized power in the previous administration, well... I wouldn't have to worry about paying rent, that's for sure. What is the difference here? I have been trying very hard not to be cynical of politicians lately, but they're not making it easy.
- When are we coming home again? oh... a couple of years still. It'll still be "Merry Christmas from a very broken Baghdad" for a long time. At least they don't have to worry about looking for a job right now.
- Health reform plan needs a lot of work. Study up, sir. This is the one bill that needs to move, pronto. In fact, why don't you just call this one the "Look How Much Money Can We Save With Only One Signature Bill." It's pretty catchy, right?
I know I don't normally talk about politics on here, but I need some release. And I don't even know how well McCain or Nader would be doing in his stead, seeing as this is tough stuff. But it'd be nice to be doing better.
4.6.09
The grad school list, with bonus material on why swine flu actually matters!
Seeing as this seems to be the most effective mode of communication between me and the people who care about me (sorry Mom), I've decided to list the choices I'm considering for grad school. Mind you, this is for a masters in public health (MPH), for which there are only between 20-30 accredited schools in the whole country. Here goes.
1) University of Louisville
Louisville, KY
My first pick and still my favorite-- also one of the cheaper options, and the only school I've actually been able to visit. That only helped. It's a fledgling school, only having been accredited a few years ago, and began within the past ten years. The health science campus is in the downtown area, and everything I'll need will be within a two-block radius. Magical. Being on the demographic fence between "rural" and "urban", the type of practical experience I'd end up doing would be exactly what I'm looking for. And it's in Kentucky, which is probably one of my favorite states of the Union. If you don't get it, just google "Kentucky", and you'll set the first photo you see as your wallpaper. I guarantee it. All I'd have to do is get reacquainted with the dialect (as well as keep my Spartan pride undercover) and UL would make this 1.5 years very tolerable.
2) Saint Louis University
St. Louis, MO
I was skeptical of this joint at first. On the website (www.asph.org), SLU sounds like every other public health school. However, I noticed that they don't charge extra for Missouri non-residents... which made it worth checking into. I finally got my requested information yesterday. Lo and behold, they're Jesuits. That makes SLU the only Christian school on the list, but more importantly, the smallest. It's probably the priciest option (at about $40k for the whole deal right now), but not by very much. Besides, they offer more joint-degrees than I've seen anywhere else, as well as a very unique specialization: biosecurity and disaster preparedness. Very Jesuit, and an exploding field... but probably not my bag, to be honest. But who knows...
3) University of Michigan
Ann Arbor, MI
Yikes. I never dreamed I would even think about gracing such soiled grass with my righteous footsteps. However, U of M is the only college in Michigan that is accredited by the CEPH, and that's a huge deal for me. Plus, they have a slew of specialization options. I'm talking about options like hospital and molecular epidemiology (studying how diseases dare spread in the cleanest places on the planet) or industrial hygiene (studying how we can prevent job-site body destruction) And like a big ol' blue-and-maize cherry on top, there's their world-renowned research facilities (which would normally go without saying, but that's a big deal, too). Since I get a shrunk-down Michigan resident rate, U of M is ironically the bargain of the day. So, if I don't mind a couple more years of lame weather, and have the hutzpah to actually submit my application into an inevitable contestant field of certified-genius wunderkinder and only-childs, Michigan could turn my MPH slingshot into a dang trebuchet.
4) University of Kentucky
Lexington, KY
Neither does UK charge much extra for out of state residents-- they try to make up for the difference with endowment. Kentucky mainly specializes in rural, community health. It's not something I'm opposed to... just not something I'd choose over UL or SLU. Plus, this place is in Kentucky, too. Ka-ching.
5) Michigan State University
East Lansing, MI
Say what? James, aren't you a Spartan fan? Why isn't this choice on top?
Not accredited, online program.
That should be all I have to say about that.
-------------------
So, why does swine flu (H1N1) matter?
It's new. Every new disease should be treated with incredible caution. Notable cross-special pandemics would include malaria, AIDS, smallpox, and the bubonic plague-- all of those are or were really bad for us.
But isn't it just the flu?
The irony. Consider this: when was the last time you had the flu? And I'm talking about the real flu... not the "I-threw-up-twice-this-morning-and-I-have-a-headache-so-WebMD-said-I-have-the-flu" flu. It's debilitating, it's potentially life-threatening, and highly contagious. One things we know for sure about H1N1 is that it can be passed during a period of up to eight days-- one of those days comes before symptoms appear. That's right, you can get people sick before you even know that you're sick, yourself.
How could it ever affect me if so few have it?
Don't know. That's probably the scariest part of H1N1-- we just don't know much about it yet. We do know that it has components of human, avian, and swine flu in the same package. But we have no vaccine, no unique diagnostic methods, and no way of pinning down exactly how it's mutating (something for which influenza is notorious). Just keep the coughing to yourself and be clean, though, and you should do all right.
Why are people freaking out and ruining my TRAVEL PLANS???
Glad you asked. That's an attempt to keep narrow-minded tourists from escalating a situation that could have been a lot worse than it is. Americans can't go to Mexico, and Europeans are staying away from the whole danged continent. By cordoning it off, it's possible to stop it from becoming a second kind of flu to worry about. Just ask a doctor-- one flu is plenty.
1) University of Louisville
Louisville, KY
My first pick and still my favorite-- also one of the cheaper options, and the only school I've actually been able to visit. That only helped. It's a fledgling school, only having been accredited a few years ago, and began within the past ten years. The health science campus is in the downtown area, and everything I'll need will be within a two-block radius. Magical. Being on the demographic fence between "rural" and "urban", the type of practical experience I'd end up doing would be exactly what I'm looking for. And it's in Kentucky, which is probably one of my favorite states of the Union. If you don't get it, just google "Kentucky", and you'll set the first photo you see as your wallpaper. I guarantee it. All I'd have to do is get reacquainted with the dialect (as well as keep my Spartan pride undercover) and UL would make this 1.5 years very tolerable.
2) Saint Louis University
St. Louis, MO
I was skeptical of this joint at first. On the website (www.asph.org), SLU sounds like every other public health school. However, I noticed that they don't charge extra for Missouri non-residents... which made it worth checking into. I finally got my requested information yesterday. Lo and behold, they're Jesuits. That makes SLU the only Christian school on the list, but more importantly, the smallest. It's probably the priciest option (at about $40k for the whole deal right now), but not by very much. Besides, they offer more joint-degrees than I've seen anywhere else, as well as a very unique specialization: biosecurity and disaster preparedness. Very Jesuit, and an exploding field... but probably not my bag, to be honest. But who knows...
3) University of Michigan
Ann Arbor, MI
Yikes. I never dreamed I would even think about gracing such soiled grass with my righteous footsteps. However, U of M is the only college in Michigan that is accredited by the CEPH, and that's a huge deal for me. Plus, they have a slew of specialization options. I'm talking about options like hospital and molecular epidemiology (studying how diseases dare spread in the cleanest places on the planet) or industrial hygiene (studying how we can prevent job-site body destruction) And like a big ol' blue-and-maize cherry on top, there's their world-renowned research facilities (which would normally go without saying, but that's a big deal, too). Since I get a shrunk-down Michigan resident rate, U of M is ironically the bargain of the day. So, if I don't mind a couple more years of lame weather, and have the hutzpah to actually submit my application into an inevitable contestant field of certified-genius wunderkinder and only-childs, Michigan could turn my MPH slingshot into a dang trebuchet.
4) University of Kentucky
Lexington, KY
Neither does UK charge much extra for out of state residents-- they try to make up for the difference with endowment. Kentucky mainly specializes in rural, community health. It's not something I'm opposed to... just not something I'd choose over UL or SLU. Plus, this place is in Kentucky, too. Ka-ching.
5) Michigan State University
East Lansing, MI
Say what? James, aren't you a Spartan fan? Why isn't this choice on top?
Not accredited, online program.
That should be all I have to say about that.
-------------------
So, why does swine flu (H1N1) matter?
It's new. Every new disease should be treated with incredible caution. Notable cross-special pandemics would include malaria, AIDS, smallpox, and the bubonic plague-- all of those are or were really bad for us.
But isn't it just the flu?
The irony. Consider this: when was the last time you had the flu? And I'm talking about the real flu... not the "I-threw-up-twice-this-morning-and-I-have-a-headache-so-WebMD-said-I-have-the-flu" flu. It's debilitating, it's potentially life-threatening, and highly contagious. One things we know for sure about H1N1 is that it can be passed during a period of up to eight days-- one of those days comes before symptoms appear. That's right, you can get people sick before you even know that you're sick, yourself.
How could it ever affect me if so few have it?
Don't know. That's probably the scariest part of H1N1-- we just don't know much about it yet. We do know that it has components of human, avian, and swine flu in the same package. But we have no vaccine, no unique diagnostic methods, and no way of pinning down exactly how it's mutating (something for which influenza is notorious). Just keep the coughing to yourself and be clean, though, and you should do all right.
Why are people freaking out and ruining my TRAVEL PLANS???
Glad you asked. That's an attempt to keep narrow-minded tourists from escalating a situation that could have been a lot worse than it is. Americans can't go to Mexico, and Europeans are staying away from the whole danged continent. By cordoning it off, it's possible to stop it from becoming a second kind of flu to worry about. Just ask a doctor-- one flu is plenty.
29.5.09
Missed chances
(In house where retired NFL greats call home:
MARINO is found sleeping in his bed. He is having a dream. The Dolphins have won the Super Bowl, and MARINO is lifted up on the shoulders of his teammates after winning MVP. The players then suddenly evaporate, along with the trophy and crowds, and he falls on the bare grass. This wakes him up. He pouts as he crawls out of bed and heads to the kitchen.
AIKMAN is already in the kitchen. He is sitting on a stool next to the island, eating cereal. YOUNG is also in the kitchen, making coffee. MARINO stumbles in, rubbing his eyes.)
AIKMAN: Hey, rough night, Marino?
MARINO: Yeah, I had a really weird dream.
AIKMAN: Oh yeah?
(MARINO grabs some milk from the fridge and turns back to AIKMAN.)
MARINO: (pause) Troy, if you got the chance to go back and do it again, what would you do differently?
(AIKMAN thinks. YOUNG's attention is distracted from the coffee, pending AIKMAN's reply. AIKMAN raises a spoonful of Wheaties to his mouth, and a ray of light glimmers from one of his Super Bowl rings. He smiles.)
AIKMAN: Nothing, Dan.
(MARINO looks down at his bare hand. YOUNG chuckles, but looks back to see coffee all over the counter.)
YOUNG: (cursing inaudibly)
MARINO: Whoa, got that, ace?
This is the type of thing I think about in the shower.
MARINO is found sleeping in his bed. He is having a dream. The Dolphins have won the Super Bowl, and MARINO is lifted up on the shoulders of his teammates after winning MVP. The players then suddenly evaporate, along with the trophy and crowds, and he falls on the bare grass. This wakes him up. He pouts as he crawls out of bed and heads to the kitchen.
AIKMAN is already in the kitchen. He is sitting on a stool next to the island, eating cereal. YOUNG is also in the kitchen, making coffee. MARINO stumbles in, rubbing his eyes.)
AIKMAN: Hey, rough night, Marino?
MARINO: Yeah, I had a really weird dream.
AIKMAN: Oh yeah?
(MARINO grabs some milk from the fridge and turns back to AIKMAN.)
MARINO: (pause) Troy, if you got the chance to go back and do it again, what would you do differently?
(AIKMAN thinks. YOUNG's attention is distracted from the coffee, pending AIKMAN's reply. AIKMAN raises a spoonful of Wheaties to his mouth, and a ray of light glimmers from one of his Super Bowl rings. He smiles.)
AIKMAN: Nothing, Dan.
(MARINO looks down at his bare hand. YOUNG chuckles, but looks back to see coffee all over the counter.)
YOUNG: (cursing inaudibly)
MARINO: Whoa, got that, ace?
This is the type of thing I think about in the shower.
19.5.09
When I don't care
was it perfection that you wanted
it added up to be your fall
to your mistakes
you wanted it to be inside your worst belief
was it another thing you started
it added up to be your fall
to your mistakes
you wanted it to be his voice that calls your name
and I'm sorry
for all those things in me
when I don't care
I know you're always there
I just wanted to get this started
["Starting Line" by Number One Gun]
it added up to be your fall
to your mistakes
you wanted it to be inside your worst belief
was it another thing you started
it added up to be your fall
to your mistakes
you wanted it to be his voice that calls your name
and I'm sorry
for all those things in me
when I don't care
I know you're always there
I just wanted to get this started
["Starting Line" by Number One Gun]
8.5.09
Taming a ghost
Vengeance always sounds like a nice idea.
From my perspective, descending upon a former love like a shadowy hawk sounded great. Like a time-traveling, transparent ghost, I would have both the element of surprise and previously unseen ferocity. I jumped all over the thought of discovering the truth that she was, and is, such a terrible person. And what right would she have to fight back? I would have victory almost by default.
Man's anger does not work out God's righteousness.
I don't hunt for sport-- I only kill what I eat. What right do I have to strike out at her? I would suffer defeat as soon as I began.
From my perspective, descending upon a former love like a shadowy hawk sounded great. Like a time-traveling, transparent ghost, I would have both the element of surprise and previously unseen ferocity. I jumped all over the thought of discovering the truth that she was, and is, such a terrible person. And what right would she have to fight back? I would have victory almost by default.
Man's anger does not work out God's righteousness.
I don't hunt for sport-- I only kill what I eat. What right do I have to strike out at her? I would suffer defeat as soon as I began.
7.5.09
Contentment can't be trusted
sometimes I hate when everything's okay
where is the chaos and decay
where's the heartache and the tears
and all the pain I hold so dear
sometimes when everything's all right
I find I just can't sleep at night
contentment can't be trusted
wasn't meant for "well-adjusted"
sometimes when things are all screwed up
oh man I just can't get enough
out of control don't let it stop
can't wait for the other shoe to drop
two moons like Damocles
like kaboom, kabow to all of these
I swear sometimes I can almost feel my soul
movin on and I'm still livin in a Babylon daze
I'm failing forward on an awkward state of grace
gonna see if all that's to that fire
is used by my high-tension wires
heck no one was watching anyway
it's like I just can't take the peace
I need the wedge I need release
need to know when things are wrong
need another angry song
so keep your quiet keep your calm
I'll go off like a bomb
if only just to feel my flippin heartbeat
movin on and I'm still livin in a Babylon daze
I'm failing forward on an awkward state of grace
gonna see if all that's to that fire
is used by my high-tension wires
heck no one was watching anyway
["Babylon Daze" by The Havenots]
where is the chaos and decay
where's the heartache and the tears
and all the pain I hold so dear
sometimes when everything's all right
I find I just can't sleep at night
contentment can't be trusted
wasn't meant for "well-adjusted"
sometimes when things are all screwed up
oh man I just can't get enough
out of control don't let it stop
can't wait for the other shoe to drop
two moons like Damocles
like kaboom, kabow to all of these
I swear sometimes I can almost feel my soul
movin on and I'm still livin in a Babylon daze
I'm failing forward on an awkward state of grace
gonna see if all that's to that fire
is used by my high-tension wires
heck no one was watching anyway
it's like I just can't take the peace
I need the wedge I need release
need to know when things are wrong
need another angry song
so keep your quiet keep your calm
I'll go off like a bomb
if only just to feel my flippin heartbeat
movin on and I'm still livin in a Babylon daze
I'm failing forward on an awkward state of grace
gonna see if all that's to that fire
is used by my high-tension wires
heck no one was watching anyway
["Babylon Daze" by The Havenots]
29.4.09
He makes the road rise
I think I believe, sometimes, that it's my job to crash. If there is a God who is eternally good, then the only way bad can exist in my life is through me. Think about that for a second, because that'll take you where I go.
Good needs evil. If there is nothing corrupt, then what is pure? Everyone agrees, and has been agreeing, on this. Does God need us, though? I mean, that's a good question, right?
If he's all-powerful, then no. Why would he need us?
But he still made us, so we do have some sort of needful purpose.
Fascinating. After all this time, I still don't understand. And it's good. It's difficult for me to surrender my intellect because I am my father's son. This type of submission sets me and others apart, because we're not meant to understand-- not out of pity or condescension, just practicality. I'm a vapor in the wind, and that makes me wonder why I'm trying to understand the breeze that pushes me through the air.
Skeptics say that makes it easier to deal with stupidity.
I say this is the only way you can possibly live without waiting to die.
Now, a few years down this road, I'll look back on what I said in the monumental, profound statement and smile at the fact of how naive I am. The fact that I'm not perfect pushes the road down, and it becomes difficult to see the sun sometimes.
But it doesn't stay there,
but I know I don't stay there,
but I know he's with me,
but I know he's in me,
but I know he will always be good--
but I know he makes the road rise.
Good needs evil. If there is nothing corrupt, then what is pure? Everyone agrees, and has been agreeing, on this. Does God need us, though? I mean, that's a good question, right?
If he's all-powerful, then no. Why would he need us?
But he still made us, so we do have some sort of needful purpose.
Fascinating. After all this time, I still don't understand. And it's good. It's difficult for me to surrender my intellect because I am my father's son. This type of submission sets me and others apart, because we're not meant to understand-- not out of pity or condescension, just practicality. I'm a vapor in the wind, and that makes me wonder why I'm trying to understand the breeze that pushes me through the air.
Skeptics say that makes it easier to deal with stupidity.
I say this is the only way you can possibly live without waiting to die.
Now, a few years down this road, I'll look back on what I said in the monumental, profound statement and smile at the fact of how naive I am. The fact that I'm not perfect pushes the road down, and it becomes difficult to see the sun sometimes.
But it doesn't stay there,
but I know I don't stay there,
but I know he's with me,
but I know he's in me,
but I know he will always be good--
but I know he makes the road rise.
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