I support Compassion


Dangerous Free Write

I was talking to Carrie in the car on the way back today from her house about how terrified she is of creative writing class this Spring. I asked her why and she told me it's because she doesn't "write creatively." I told her that it's easy, all you have to do is freewrite every day for a week, practically, and you'll have enough good ideas to last the whole dang semester. and she told me that she just can't freewrite, and I know that this all just seemed like a free write to you, but that's the point. It's a set-up.

I'm gonna free write here for ten minutes, to show that I've still got it. And I promise to publish whatever goes down here. Ready? Go.

I've got this Muse song stuck in my head from a dream I had last night. I know, the whole day goes by and it's still stuck in my head. The worst part is that I don't even own the new CD, so in order to listen to it, I have to go to YouTube. YouTube hasn't been working out very well for me lately, and I don't know if it's my computer or just the internet it's attached to. Which is sort of a funnything if you think about it, beacause my computer is not actually physically attached to youtube. it's just talking with it, pretty much, and then telling me with pictures what they're talking about. in that sort of way it almost feels like I'm on the outside of this internet. I feel like it's mine a lot-- you know, facebook, myspace, blogger, all of those things feel like me. I feel like the internet is mine. but it's not. no way in heck is it mine, you know? it's just a bunch of computers talking to each other, and I'm just listening in. What if my computer just up and decided not to talk to me anymore? What if it finds out how ridiculous I am, or just decided that it didn't like me? Where would I be then? I mean, the internet would have to be my computer's homie by then, and if my computer breaks up with me, then the internet is sure as heck not gonna talk to me anymore. After all, my computer was really the only reason it ever hung out with me in the first place, and hanging out without my computer would be really awkward. I can't say that I would blame the internet for that. That's just common courtesy. But it wouldn't feel right to call it my computer anymore. or the Internet. I feel like they would have to have names. And if I'm going to personify my computer, I don't feel right in calling it mine. It's not like it's my slave or anything-- in fact, most of the time, it just does what it wants anyway. Regardless of whatever I want to do. So, it is in fact, not a slave. It can obviously refuse me at anytime. Which makes me think about the way I treat... computer. Weird typing it like that. It doesn't feel like a relationship right now, that is for sure. I mean, I just push buttons, it flashes letters, and at the end of it all, I feel accomplished and it feels greasy. That's not exactly fair, right? But I fon't know how else to describe it. I mean, it talks to things. Surely it is a person. It makes decisions! There's no way it couldn't be its own entity. Whatever we do together, then, should be for the better of us both. Not just me. That's not fair. And I don't want the internet to get mad at me, either. It's much bigger than I am, and I think it's the type that wouldn't mind letting me have it for disrespecting computer.

That wasn't nearly as tangential as I thought it would be. In conclusion, however, I'm a psycho.

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