A restless goodness

The words you have spoken, whether yours or otherwise...
they have melted such a stone cold heart.
The hopes and dreams, such the ones I possess...
they have the strength to continue.
Oh, my restless feet, can they find all rest and solace...
in the speech of such grace and glory?
The Apostle was mistaken, the poison was subdued...
healing, merciful water is all that has flown out!
The void and space between, the distance from me to the surface...
I can feel the gap closing.

And it was good.

... but it's okay (a lesson in grace)

I put off my tedious article summary of how tuberculosis avoids our immune systems to blog...

I choose to lead my core group in being active participants in the world around them, and maybe to do something for someone else for a change (not saying they don't anyway), instead of sit in that chair with my name on it and rest after a tough week...

Necessity takes a back seat to video game rivalries and discussions about the nutritional value of iceberg lettuce...

Everywhere I go, I'm really cold...

No matter how much I sleep, I never fail to wake up exhausted...

Sparks flash and scald the parts of my heart that have been cold for such a long, long time...

Sometimes, I feel empty...

My Father seemingly flashes in and out of my life...


... because I know that we're always together, anyway.
... because I'm comforted by my status as a new wineskin.
... because my mom tells me that I'm no good to anyone cold.
... because it's always passion that wakes me up.
... because I won't always have the snow.
... because I won't remember anything in this life as well.
... because there's more than one kind of comfort.
... because I'll need to look back later...

... to see how this promise of [grace] is fulfilled.

Defense

You thought I was serious?

You thought I actually wanted that?

Who knows where you've been... taking dreams and sucking the lives out of regular people. But if you gave me a pencil, I couldn't make a diagram. Not of your menace.

So, I'm just saying that I don't want any part of it.

NONE.

YOU! I can't believe your nerve. Who just takes breath for fun, for the heck of it? They don't deserve your fists, they deserve for you to look away! Your eyes cause tremors, and your glances drive people into comas. I would pluck them out if I could reach you, you sick coward.

I can't even describe the horrible spite in my soul that I have for you!

Yet you are the water, and I'm stranded on the ice. No matter how I beg, no matter how loud my prayers-- you'll be there. Slowly, surely making your way down the interstate, waiting for just the right exit. After all, the road was named after you when it was built in the first place.

The funny thing is that they taught me to build roadblocks, but I don't bother with them.

You know why? God helps those who help themselves. You said it yourself.

Try it again.

I dare you-- nay, I will bury you.

A plea

My mother told me that I was born with my eyes wide open. Time was never wasted with needless crying. I was looking for you, even when I didn't know you. Call it a hunch.

But there was no curtain. No masquerade, no hoops... no prerequisites. There were no guards at the door, with which you could search me for the weapons I wielded against you. You probably can't describe the pain, especially when I didn't apologize. Maybe you wasted time crying.

Look at how you have entranced me! Look at how you have deliberately guided me into your mystery: and not against my will! Escape plans are as good as tinder now. Just more fuel to feed the flames-- the flames that I, Prometheus, claimed.

Was it just? Maybe. You say no; my sources disagree. When the piece is finished, when the world is on fire with what I have brought them... I pray it doesn't take me that long. My eyes are open again, and I don't waste time with crying.

Stop my heart if this necktie ever gets comfortable.

Sing as you always have when my eyes search.

Fall upon my head from the sky when I forget your quiet majesty.

Burn my rationale when I hold back.

Be the only door-kicking boots I'll ever wear.

Fill my mind with your mercy-- my heart with your promises.

Rip the roof off my hut.

Hold me while I drown.

Remind me of your love as I stand in the gallows.

Be all I see when I finally close my eyes.

Call it a hunch.

The Sword

Offense shocks me from my slumber,
as electric arcs stab my fingertips.
Caustic passion wells up in my soul,
and pours out through embittered fists.

I wonder how my message is so quiet.
The love spews from my mouth
as the penetrating, ear-splitting cry
of my enemy’s blood flows down.

Can you see through this tightened iris?
...and now? Oh, the boiler—burning in kind
behind my terrible, white-hot eyes.
Beloved black smoke clouds my mind.

My heart pounds like a war drum.
My lust is the fight: is it true what he said?
He was betrayed. “It will be your grave.”
Mercy is not my name; I would rather be dead.

November 6, 2008

Failure is not fatal

Wind passes right through my skin as I fall down
this furious speed will only destroy me
Crippling and devastating momentum
approaching maximum velocity
And this is how it's going to be
the point of it all
'Cause this is what was meant for me
recklessly I fall

Hulking, smashing, I come crashing
nothing like when I was small
I am unstoppable
I am the cannonball

Thirty-two feet per second I increase
as the exponents will multiply
I'll never stop to look back behind me
cutting through the bright blue sky
And this is how it's meant to be
untethered I will soar
I'll barrel towards the earth below
it's what I was made for

Hulking, smashing, I come crashing
nothing like when I was small
I am unstoppable
I am the cannonball
That feeble coward that you knew
has undergone an overhaul
I am unstoppable
I am the cannonball

And everyone will say it's just an accident
like some mishap or a tragedy
I think that failure has a purpose
and I don't believe it's chance if I fall
And I know that if I ever do fall
he will catch me
And if he ever lets me fall down
for the good of those who believe him
He will make me into a cannonball

Unblemished, and faultless
A burning luminescence
Unequaled precision
Beyond your scope of vision

("Cannonball" by Five Iron Frenzy)