BEHOLD resolution.

Like many posts, it's hard to put this in my own words. In fact, this very song was also my resolution for last year. I'll just add a few songs on the front, wrap it up with new paper, and put this baby back under the tree, then.

(links are to the lyrics. see, I made it easy!)

"The Consumer's Song" by Anti-Flag

"Typical" by Mute Math

"Revolution" by Authority Zero

"Ready and Waiting to Fall" by Mae

Every New Day by Five Iron Frenzy

When I was young,
the furthest streak of light would catch my eye;
and life was new and every new day,
I thought that I could fly.
I believed in what I hoped for--
and I hoped in things unseen.
I had wings and dreams, could soar.
I just don't feel like flying anymore.

When the stars threw down their spears,
watered heaven with their tears,
before words were spoken; before eternity.

Dear Father, I need you.
Your strength my heart to mend.
I want to fly higher,
every new day again.

When I was young,
the furthest I could reach was not so high;
and I thought the world was so much smaller,
feeling I could fly.

Through distant deeps and skies,
beyond infinity, below the face of heaven,
he stoops to create me.

Man versus himself, man versus machine, man versus the world, mankind versus me. The sun must go on, the wisdom I lack, the burdens keep piling up on my back. So hard to breathe, to take the next step-- the mountain is high, I wait in the depths. Yearning for grace and hoping for peace, dear God, increase.

Healing hands of God, have mercy on our unclean hearts once again.
Jesus Christ, light of the world, burning bright within our hearts forever.
Freedom means love without condition, without beginning or an end.
Here's my heart, let it be forever yours-- only you can make every new day seem so new.

Thank God

He has been so good.

The fact that I cannot sleep tells me that I have some unresolved issues... or it may simply be the fact that I cannot sleep. I'm not worried about it.There are some things I need to say; and they're not resolutions. I'll save those for New Year, after my Spartans trounce the Georgia Bulldogs.

It's always been my policy to not itemize the little things for which I'm thankful. I don't know if this is just a preventative measure against brushfires in relationships, or if it's my INFP nature to zoom out and see the big picture behind the little things. But I'm grateful... I'm so grateful for everything that has happened this year. As David Steindl-Rast says, "When we learn to approach the world with gratefulness, everything seems to make sense." So, for the sake of thoroughness, I'll itemize as best I can:

- My old friends from home always put me in my place and force me to widen my perspective.
- My trip to the country of my own heritage was unforgettable, and demanding of a return visit.
- With new friends come new experiences... new ways to smile and learn.
- My comfort zone is sometimes cracked by a fifteen-mile lifeline... or just a well-timed hug from someone who's had their life changed.
- Core 20, you will always have a special place in my heart as my first group. You are all incredible people, and the worlds in which you live will be uniquely altered for good by your very presence in them.
- This summer was the best I've had since I can remember. From fleas to walking raves, nomcakes and assault rifles... well, it was surely not my doing.
- My family never lets me down in the fact that we always do what we want. The horizon has never been closer, and still, it is our only boundary.
- PAs, past and present, you've been the legion in which I've always taken pride marching. Even in assumed silence, your strength as a whole has carried me time and time again.
- Core 18, you more than surpassed my expectations. Already, your energy and life have shown me so much of God and myself: and for that, I can't say I'll ever be able to fully express how thankful I am. Let's make this second semester happen!
- Don, Caleb, and John... if we're discussing whether Kant was a Christian or what to put in our pancakes, or even both, we do so in the way people envy. I'm pretty lucky.
- This space is for my biochem lab group. Thanks for putting up with my baby food... I definitely would not have survived without you.
- Ryan, I don't know where you found that gorilla suit, but that was assuredly one of the best things ever.
- Carrie, I almost don't know what to say. After finally almost building up to say what I've wanted to say for months (Kerri, you need to be thanked here, too), you watched me actually run away... and it did not scare you away. You have a way of making me comfortable while keeping me in my place. The touch of your hand calms my soul, and your compassion is my envy. If english 490 does indeed kill you, I'm gonna be totally depressed, killer.
- The two great men that have gone from this earth have taught me much. Papa had a huge influence on me, and his final days have changed the way I live forever. Randy showed me how impressively a man can seek after God in times of mourning and despair. Both saints, if you ask me. And nobody has.
- This dog... the one that forced her wet nose under my hand while I was typing this... this dog is awesome. I am honestly thankful for Cassie.

Come, now, what may. The present is heaven on earth for me; my desire is simply to bring paradise to the rest of you. Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year. Peace.

The Moon and the Star

The moon seems to be the lord of the sky at night. It certainly was tonight, as the star pointed out. She could hardly contain her excitement; and it was contagious. I was driving while her joy was gushing under my tires, and it was suddenly more difficult to stay on the road while sharing this moment. But later that night, when the star I had seen calmly faded into the rest of the sky, it was the shift of focus that had caught my attention.

The moon was the lord of the sky. I can respect that. The star had no trouble taking the attention off herself to point to something even better. "Is it not beautiful," she asked, "enough to wait, and ponder, and adore?" I felt no disappointment, no fear, no animosity. I felt only calmness. For the star had shown me that there was more to her light... and shown me the lord of the night sky. The microscope becomes a telescope after only widening the field of view and looking deeper into nature-- that is how I came to know the beauty and lordship of the moon.

And that moon is beautiful. The star is, indeed, dazzling and breath-taking as well, but it is the moon that makes completion. When I see it again, I will be sure to remember. I gave my word.

When I try to say it

... only music comes out. Son of a gun.

1) "Whoo! Alright-Yeah... Uh Huh" > The Rapture

I used to think life's a bitter pill, but it's a grand ol' time

2) "Invincible" > OK Go

They won't be prepared for the thousand-Fahrenheit-hot metal lights behind your eyes

3) "Noticed" > Mute Math

When you look my way, something's pounding away; and I wonder if I ever felt this before

4) "Miracle" > Paramore

I've gone for too long living like I'm not alive-- so I'm gonna start over tonight

5) "Every New Day" > Five Iron Frenzy

Dear Father, I need you: your strength, my heart to mend. I want to fly higher every new day again!

A window, a star, and a ladder

It was more than hot in my room. I was sweating like mad, as I had been on and off for months. Maybe a piece of me hoped that winter would bring some relief, but it didn't. As I've been told, the snow only means it's warm. But, this was after I decided that I needed to open the window.

The window was big. It was heavy. It did a pretty good job of keeping things out of my room, and keeping things in. Like a thermos. But I was dying... I mean, I had to shut the window to warm the room up. I remember when I was freezing in there. Not good times, awful times-- and everyone who saw me in that room knew it. So, I closed the window. It was the best thing to do, for me. Now, what was I thinking now? Open it? Crazy. No way.

I told people about wanting to open the window. About the heat. I think I just needed to hear other people say that I needed to. After all, I couldn't see myself sweating... and I don't think anyone else did, either. One of my friends seemed as if they were to push me through the thick glass pane if I didn't open it myself. However, my friend did seem to be comforted by the fact that I was going to open the window, because the heat was obvious. Rats.

So, I opened it. And... I felt a little cooler. The trouble presented itself immediately: what should I do with just an open window? I knew what I wanted. But how? I went back to my desk. For hours, I tried to think of what I had missed. I opened it, didn't I?

What could I have missed?

I walked to the window, and I looked out. Strange, I thought-- I never noticed that star there. I mean to say, I never saw it. I knew it was there, because that's only reason why the room was so hot. Why, out of all the stars, then?

Have you ever looked at a night sky? I mean, really looked at it? Depending on where you're walking, there's a lot or not so many of these incredibly beautiful stars. But I always find myself searching for one that's particularly bright... one that seems to greet my eyes with its own individual light. And this is how I forget about the other stars.

When I went back to my window that night, I looked at my star. I stared at her. She stared back. She motioned to the ladder in the corner.

I picked up the ladder, set it in the window, and climbed up to her. When she'd finished laughing about how awkward I'd been climbing up, we noticed it was still snowing, and that it just meant that it was warm outside.

Christmas

Nothing makes me both more joyful and more cynical than the holiday celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ.

This year, people have lost lives in the name of commercialism.
Instead of a tragedy of extreme consumerism, it was an annoying inconvenience.
Some who have lost their sources of resources this year (something I can be even more cynical about) worry and struggle over the fact that they may not be able to have a "Merry Christmas" because of it.

Question. What happened to our awareness?

I don't mean to offer the truth of Christmas as a vaccination against the hard times that this economy will undoubtedly create.
I just want to question the truth of the new "Merry Christmas."
The appalling and apparent truth of the matter is that this has all gone too far!
But, as the late Irish philosopher George Berkeley reminds us:

"Truth is the cry of all, but the game of few."

What can redeem something so... irredeemably terrible?
I'm going to try to sidestep the cliché Jesus pigeonhole here, because I want to get the big picture.
So, I suppose the first question to ask is pretty simple: why did this happen?
Jesus is the Word of God, which we already had, right?
It really only means one thing.

This was an intervention.

We got this whole deal so mixed up that God Himself needed to step in and show us how to live... again.
He meant for everything to be fixed.
But He didn't mean to fix it Himself-- that's not how an intervention works.
No, I'm pretty sure that God meant to change the world through humanity.
If He didn't, then why bother with this whole... you know... "becoming human" business?
Peter became like Christ, as well as the rest of them (except for one, of course).
I cannot speak out against the deep gash of commercialism in the human body without revealing the ailments of my own soul.
Like an addict, like a criminal; He shows us that we can change with His help.

What was broken has been made like new with our willingness; but our own power was inadequate.

The gift of grace.
The power of mercy.
The joy of manifested love-- which was crying, sleeping, feeding, blinking, breathing, and laughing in a soft, glorified scarf one night-- I celebrate it.
Because I don't understand.
Still.
But I know for a fact that I can latch onto it with all the strength I have!
What am I, perfect?
I'm not perfect and it will still save me.
He will save me.

Now, that's what I call redemption.

What I do when I'm bored

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