Storm's coming.
I remember feeling the same way last year. Like I've said to all of them, all of the new PAs last year looked around at each other on Sunday last year, and silently channeled the same, desperate thought: "What the heck did we get ourselves into?"
As a group, we've been going through 1 Thessalonians. Robin gave us a few verses to think over, and there were quite a few correlations between the ink on the page and the motives in our hearts. I decided to write a few lines of verse for each of the verses she gave us during our reflection times. These became, then, a very long compilation of verse... which is rickety and doesn't always flow. However, I think it fits as encouragement for all of us. Here it is.
1 Thes 1:4, 2:7-8, 2:12, 3:8, 3:11, 4:7, 4:18, 5:11
There was a sign,
so odd that it came through the telephone.
What did I find?
So odd to understand that I'm not alone.
We are all on the same island in the sea,
with no clue what we're worth or we are to be.
The escape lowered to my hands, I held
just us and no one else-- just us and no one else.
So childish in your ways and holy in your thoughts;
so proven what gentleness such righteousness has bought.
The paper reads, "Look up, and see:
play along with your family."
As we show you what is good and right,
no praise could summon higher delight.
The face of the furnace, grim, unrelenting;
the sinews of my weak heart are dissenting.
In, in, walk boldly in the heat,
and bet my life you'll follow me.
I close my eyes to see
your bold faces breathe in me.
If only your eyes could see
my life abundantly.
The hopefulness of sound
makes me wish I was around,
just so I could sing the tune.
But all my best laid plans
have no place in this dance.
Still, love increases, look at you!
As the mouth of the ocean
consumes the side of a mountain,
tarnished, beaten rocks spill out into the sea.
Your very lives have spoken
of chains that were broken,
set apart is now the only thing you can be.
When your mind is lost on the ocean waves,
when your feet burn in paths of flame,
in these words, may you find rest:
dancing in the fog is what we do best.
It's true, what the king said.
When blood melts the earth, his words pulse through my head.
Who were just spectators,
are now my valued, steel-hearted brothers and sisters.
So when the sun explodes, and the moon turns a cold face;
we chosen, we happy few, we will have grace.
Man, what should I even name this? So dang discombobulated... =P
30.8.08
19.8.08
Terra Therma
Three blank, white walls
enclose what has passed.
They offer no calm;
comfort does not last.
Drink in the sky,
what's left of the chains
shuts out all the light--
black as the night rain.
The smoke is inhaled,
it waits in the lungs;
but life can prevail
with a headlong plunge in the fire
The choice we all must make
between the heat and the fire:
there lie sinful graves
between the heat and the fire.
Rooms which held your youth,
halls in which you perspired
held such childish truth;
halls in which you perspired.
Follow, headfirst into the flames!
The red and black ink says you'll never be the same.
Headstones, burnt in the cliff-side,
will always mark what we left behind.
enclose what has passed.
They offer no calm;
comfort does not last.
Drink in the sky,
what's left of the chains
shuts out all the light--
black as the night rain.
The smoke is inhaled,
it waits in the lungs;
but life can prevail
with a headlong plunge in the fire
The choice we all must make
between the heat and the fire:
there lie sinful graves
between the heat and the fire.
Rooms which held your youth,
halls in which you perspired
held such childish truth;
halls in which you perspired.
Follow, headfirst into the flames!
The red and black ink says you'll never be the same.
Headstones, burnt in the cliff-side,
will always mark what we left behind.
10.8.08
Game review: Disney's Pirates Online
Under the influence of my "friends", I decided to download and try out Pirates Online. This game was an awful waste of time. I give it a -9.5/10, and I would not recommend it to anyone, ever.
Now, I'll explain.
First of all, on the website, the required system specs to run the game could be found on a computer that was built to survive the Y2K virus. However, I found my computer (which is significantly better than the required system to run the game) was constantly trying to keep up. I would take a few steps, freeze. Another couple of steps, freeze. This took place on an island where it was only me walking around, making it very difficult for me to slay a sand crab before it pinched me to death. Ugh.
Next was the name system... I can understand what they were trying to do with this, and I understand why they want it this way. You're only allowed to have a "piratey" name. It makes sense, doesn't it? Now, they give you a set of pirate names they've provided that you may choose a combination of for your pirate. I didn't like any of them. After a little deliberation, I decided on the name "Tiny Hands Flannigan." After all, he was my pirate, and he had a mohawk. I followed the long list of rules they gave me, and turned my name in for approval; I was temporarily given the name "Pirate." This afternoon, while I was loading the game and simultaneously wondering why I hadn't already uninstalled this stupid game, a message box brings word that my submitted name had been rejected. Seriously? Seriously. Apparently, "Tiny Hands Flannigan" has some innuendoes or drug references of which I was previously unaware. I had to settle for "Isaiah McWrecker."Ugh.
Finally, the commercial says the game is free and it lies. While you can play the main story quest (and believe me, it takes a while) and get a few goodies and upgrades for free, the vast majority of the game is available for $10/month. Give me a break! So, after getting stabbed to death by a giant scorpion on a deserted island for a sufficient amount of time to afford a nicer ship, Isaiah McWrecker gets to look forward to sailing around in the same frickin' sloop he started off in. Ugh.
There are redeeming qualities. The most obvious is the fact that you can be a pirate, which rules. The ability to run around and slay baddies with weapons such as a cutlass, pistol, or even a voodoo doll is pretty wicked-- and the fighting was admittedly cool when I stumbled upon a ten-second lapse in the walk-freeze-walk cycle. Finally, I loved to sail and take down ships in the open water. But it's tough when you can't see what's happening most of the time, and even tougher when the only ship you can sail in is constantly inferior, because you haven't handed any money over to the Disney empire for a digital galleon. "Captain McWrecker" doesn't really have a good ring to it, anyway.
It's a pretty good idea, but the epic-failitude in fundamentals (such as allowing the game to run smoothly, giving me my creativity, or the ever-important free of cost) hurts this game way too bad for it to ever be fun.
By the way, I apologize for yelling "Stop blowin' 'oles in my ship!" every twenty seconds in the lobby this afternoon. I couldn't help it.
Now, I'll explain.
First of all, on the website, the required system specs to run the game could be found on a computer that was built to survive the Y2K virus. However, I found my computer (which is significantly better than the required system to run the game) was constantly trying to keep up. I would take a few steps, freeze. Another couple of steps, freeze. This took place on an island where it was only me walking around, making it very difficult for me to slay a sand crab before it pinched me to death. Ugh.
Next was the name system... I can understand what they were trying to do with this, and I understand why they want it this way. You're only allowed to have a "piratey" name. It makes sense, doesn't it? Now, they give you a set of pirate names they've provided that you may choose a combination of for your pirate. I didn't like any of them. After a little deliberation, I decided on the name "Tiny Hands Flannigan." After all, he was my pirate, and he had a mohawk. I followed the long list of rules they gave me, and turned my name in for approval; I was temporarily given the name "Pirate." This afternoon, while I was loading the game and simultaneously wondering why I hadn't already uninstalled this stupid game, a message box brings word that my submitted name had been rejected. Seriously? Seriously. Apparently, "Tiny Hands Flannigan" has some innuendoes or drug references of which I was previously unaware. I had to settle for "Isaiah McWrecker."Ugh.
Finally, the commercial says the game is free and it lies. While you can play the main story quest (and believe me, it takes a while) and get a few goodies and upgrades for free, the vast majority of the game is available for $10/month. Give me a break! So, after getting stabbed to death by a giant scorpion on a deserted island for a sufficient amount of time to afford a nicer ship, Isaiah McWrecker gets to look forward to sailing around in the same frickin' sloop he started off in. Ugh.
There are redeeming qualities. The most obvious is the fact that you can be a pirate, which rules. The ability to run around and slay baddies with weapons such as a cutlass, pistol, or even a voodoo doll is pretty wicked-- and the fighting was admittedly cool when I stumbled upon a ten-second lapse in the walk-freeze-walk cycle. Finally, I loved to sail and take down ships in the open water. But it's tough when you can't see what's happening most of the time, and even tougher when the only ship you can sail in is constantly inferior, because you haven't handed any money over to the Disney empire for a digital galleon. "Captain McWrecker" doesn't really have a good ring to it, anyway.
It's a pretty good idea, but the epic-failitude in fundamentals (such as allowing the game to run smoothly, giving me my creativity, or the ever-important free of cost) hurts this game way too bad for it to ever be fun.
By the way, I apologize for yelling "Stop blowin' 'oles in my ship!" every twenty seconds in the lobby this afternoon. I couldn't help it.
7.8.08
The Hand, The Furnace, The Straight Face
The tension is mounting here. Students all over the area are anticipating our return to this school, whether grudgingly or excitedly. What's even more urgent-- the days are falling off the countdown even quicker this month.
This will be a test. As with every major step forward in life, this school year will shake out what we've decided to keep in our souls. Sure, we can allow God to be the potter to our clay. We respond joyfully, like good disciples, to our shaping. However, a vessel in this state is absolutely worthless.
It is made whole in the fire.
How will we react to the heat? The intensity of the kiln of our lives, will it leave us cracked? Split, disfigured, useless? Will we discover that our preparation was flawed, leaving us to deal with such gross inequities and an inherent inability to cope? Will we be stricken by despair in regard to our new-found worthlessness?
No.
We will be solidified. We will be transfigured. Our souls, in their fragility, will contain the joy and love of the living God. We will see with our own eyes what God has decided we will become, and we will be overjoyed at the sight of the virtuosity of his intensional craftsmanship. But for this to occur, one thing is certain:
He must be the potter.
No one else can take our most troubling, depressing, recurring-nightmare-causing issues and form them into such, as beautiful as this. We must stare down our wills on the dust-swept roads of our hearts. We must order our sin to be put to death. We must be willing to be put in the fire.
The prayer of Hezekiah, a man in the fire:
"O Lord, God of Israel, enthroned between the cherubim, you alone are God over all the kingdoms of the earth. You have made heaven and earth. Give ear, O Lord, and hear; open your eyes, O Lord, and see; listen to the words Sennacherib has sent to insult the living God.
It is true, O Lord, that the Assyrian kings have laid waste these nations and their lands. They have thrown their gods into the fire and destroyed them, for they were not gods but only wood and stone, fashioned by men's hands. Now, O Lord our God, deliver us from his hand so that all kingdoms on earth may know that you alone, O Lord, are God."
Hezekiah had no reservations in his trust in God, even with an incredibly mighty and insulting Assyrian army breathing down his neck-- threatening to destroy his nation, his wealth, and his power. He trustingly admits that he is not the potter. He puts the situation into the hands of a god that was not created, but creates. I don't want to ruin the ending for you. I will say that Isaiah got involved, and this king came out of the fire as a beaming, glowing hot, bright red vessel of God's glory.
2 Kings 18-20 tell the story, and I highly recommend it.
This will be a test. As with every major step forward in life, this school year will shake out what we've decided to keep in our souls. Sure, we can allow God to be the potter to our clay. We respond joyfully, like good disciples, to our shaping. However, a vessel in this state is absolutely worthless.
It is made whole in the fire.
How will we react to the heat? The intensity of the kiln of our lives, will it leave us cracked? Split, disfigured, useless? Will we discover that our preparation was flawed, leaving us to deal with such gross inequities and an inherent inability to cope? Will we be stricken by despair in regard to our new-found worthlessness?
No.
We will be solidified. We will be transfigured. Our souls, in their fragility, will contain the joy and love of the living God. We will see with our own eyes what God has decided we will become, and we will be overjoyed at the sight of the virtuosity of his intensional craftsmanship. But for this to occur, one thing is certain:
He must be the potter.
No one else can take our most troubling, depressing, recurring-nightmare-causing issues and form them into such, as beautiful as this. We must stare down our wills on the dust-swept roads of our hearts. We must order our sin to be put to death. We must be willing to be put in the fire.
The prayer of Hezekiah, a man in the fire:
"O Lord, God of Israel, enthroned between the cherubim, you alone are God over all the kingdoms of the earth. You have made heaven and earth. Give ear, O Lord, and hear; open your eyes, O Lord, and see; listen to the words Sennacherib has sent to insult the living God.
It is true, O Lord, that the Assyrian kings have laid waste these nations and their lands. They have thrown their gods into the fire and destroyed them, for they were not gods but only wood and stone, fashioned by men's hands. Now, O Lord our God, deliver us from his hand so that all kingdoms on earth may know that you alone, O Lord, are God."
Hezekiah had no reservations in his trust in God, even with an incredibly mighty and insulting Assyrian army breathing down his neck-- threatening to destroy his nation, his wealth, and his power. He trustingly admits that he is not the potter. He puts the situation into the hands of a god that was not created, but creates. I don't want to ruin the ending for you. I will say that Isaiah got involved, and this king came out of the fire as a beaming, glowing hot, bright red vessel of God's glory.
2 Kings 18-20 tell the story, and I highly recommend it.
6.8.08
Night of the Walking Rave
What happens when the power goes out in the village?
RAVE.
I'm gonna admit, I was feeling pretty good tonight. I had rocked my finals in phlebotomy (written and practical), and I came back to hang out with my friends. All of a sudden, during a video game...
ZAP mmmmrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrow. Bye bye light.
We only had the emergency lights on, and that was pretty much all. We're all freaking out, because 1) a certain couple was going at it in the lobby, and we all faced it when we walked out of our rooms 2) our alarms were toast, and there was really no sure way that we'd be on time for work tomorrow 3) no A/C meant that we'd probably not get to sleep anyway. As I wander around the campus to measure the situation, a couple of campus safety officers approach with light sticks, in order for us to see in our dark rooms. They handed them out to us as we stood in a huddled mass in the parking lot, complaining. Of course, my mind swam in the ocean of only one, truly beautiful idea...
RAVE.
I run in and get my computer, load a bunch of sick dance music on a playlist, bring the computer out to the parking lot, and blared it. It was awe-inspiring. After a while, it began to lose steam. People got tired, or were just not feeling the need to dance with lightsticks in the parking lot. Go figure. One of the officers tells us that it would be okay to go chill in the student center while the power was fixed. Thus began
the Night of the Walking RAVE.
I carried my computer, and so ensured that we would continue to soak the air with obnoxiously contagious beats and samples as we walked across the campus. We stopped at Gainey, and shared the experience with the Highbeamers. We raved on the Concept. We raved in the library. We finally stopped at the Fireside, where we raved until about midnight. At the signal that the power was then restored, we returned to the village. But we will never forget the rave.
RAVE.
I'm gonna admit, I was feeling pretty good tonight. I had rocked my finals in phlebotomy (written and practical), and I came back to hang out with my friends. All of a sudden, during a video game...
ZAP mmmmrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrow. Bye bye light.
We only had the emergency lights on, and that was pretty much all. We're all freaking out, because 1) a certain couple was going at it in the lobby, and we all faced it when we walked out of our rooms 2) our alarms were toast, and there was really no sure way that we'd be on time for work tomorrow 3) no A/C meant that we'd probably not get to sleep anyway. As I wander around the campus to measure the situation, a couple of campus safety officers approach with light sticks, in order for us to see in our dark rooms. They handed them out to us as we stood in a huddled mass in the parking lot, complaining. Of course, my mind swam in the ocean of only one, truly beautiful idea...
RAVE.
I run in and get my computer, load a bunch of sick dance music on a playlist, bring the computer out to the parking lot, and blared it. It was awe-inspiring. After a while, it began to lose steam. People got tired, or were just not feeling the need to dance with lightsticks in the parking lot. Go figure. One of the officers tells us that it would be okay to go chill in the student center while the power was fixed. Thus began
the Night of the Walking RAVE.
I carried my computer, and so ensured that we would continue to soak the air with obnoxiously contagious beats and samples as we walked across the campus. We stopped at Gainey, and shared the experience with the Highbeamers. We raved on the Concept. We raved in the library. We finally stopped at the Fireside, where we raved until about midnight. At the signal that the power was then restored, we returned to the village. But we will never forget the rave.
2.8.08
For an optimist, I'm pretty pessimistic
I know that's flipped around. I did it on purpose.
My thoughts have been bothering me as of late. If the tagline for my blog is "do not stand in the center if you do not wish to be shaken", then I guess the appropriate summary of these thoughts has been: "do I get anyone to stand with me?" You know. Lonely thoughts.
It's easier to get wrapped up in this kind of thought train when there's really no one around during the summer. When school hits, I don't even think twice about it. In fact, I enjoy the freedom that being single brings, because I don't think I'd be able to do the things I'm doing if I wasn't single. It kinda sucks to admit that, but I know it's true. Most of you know that I need a cowbell sometimes in order to find me on a weeknight (because I NEVER carry my cell phone. give me a break, it's prepaid). And with my plans to go into international medicine... how can I attach to anyone without letting go of my dream? In all seriousness, that situation is probably not as severe as it sounds. Still-- it makes me wonder how effective I would be either way.
The apostle Paul has a nice little presentation in Corinthians about this issue. I try to steer clear of that chapter (like just about everyone else at SAU), but I'm finding he raises some good points. To serve God, he points out, is a higher calling than any earthly relationship can replace. And to tie in with a recent morning devotion from the last chapter of John, my calling is to put my faith and love into practice, not just words. That sounds familiar. Oh, yes...
"Deeds without words." The family motto since my crusading ancestor, Johann Grosshans. (I kinda laughed when I found this out, since it was close to what I had decided to live by, anyway.)
From time to time during my growing up, I would seriously ponder this thought of God's will for my relationships. I would constantly remind myself that if it must be, I'll remain single (gulp). Upon the mention of this, my friends would be friends; and they would interject that I was "James Grant", and that this somehow meant that I was bound to be bound someday. And I refused to believe it. After all, it was the truth that I loved so dearly (see My Steadfast Lover) that I valued greater than their opinions.
After thinking about all of this, I compare this summer to last summer. If you didn't read my blogs from last summer, then let me bring you up to speed-- it was the worst summer of my life. I did a lot of growing, at the expense of my heart nearly turning to cold ice. In total contrast, this has been one of the best summers of my life: and the ever-bold optimist in my soul screams, "Be grateful, will you?"
I recently bore witness to a friend of mine done wrong in a relationship; in a horrible, despicable way. I don't think that anyone saw it coming, especially not me. I never wanted to say this, but maybe it pays for me to be single. For now, in the fog.
My thoughts have been bothering me as of late. If the tagline for my blog is "do not stand in the center if you do not wish to be shaken", then I guess the appropriate summary of these thoughts has been: "do I get anyone to stand with me?" You know. Lonely thoughts.
It's easier to get wrapped up in this kind of thought train when there's really no one around during the summer. When school hits, I don't even think twice about it. In fact, I enjoy the freedom that being single brings, because I don't think I'd be able to do the things I'm doing if I wasn't single. It kinda sucks to admit that, but I know it's true. Most of you know that I need a cowbell sometimes in order to find me on a weeknight (because I NEVER carry my cell phone. give me a break, it's prepaid). And with my plans to go into international medicine... how can I attach to anyone without letting go of my dream? In all seriousness, that situation is probably not as severe as it sounds. Still-- it makes me wonder how effective I would be either way.
The apostle Paul has a nice little presentation in Corinthians about this issue. I try to steer clear of that chapter (like just about everyone else at SAU), but I'm finding he raises some good points. To serve God, he points out, is a higher calling than any earthly relationship can replace. And to tie in with a recent morning devotion from the last chapter of John, my calling is to put my faith and love into practice, not just words. That sounds familiar. Oh, yes...
"Deeds without words." The family motto since my crusading ancestor, Johann Grosshans. (I kinda laughed when I found this out, since it was close to what I had decided to live by, anyway.)
From time to time during my growing up, I would seriously ponder this thought of God's will for my relationships. I would constantly remind myself that if it must be, I'll remain single (gulp). Upon the mention of this, my friends would be friends; and they would interject that I was "James Grant", and that this somehow meant that I was bound to be bound someday. And I refused to believe it. After all, it was the truth that I loved so dearly (see My Steadfast Lover) that I valued greater than their opinions.
After thinking about all of this, I compare this summer to last summer. If you didn't read my blogs from last summer, then let me bring you up to speed-- it was the worst summer of my life. I did a lot of growing, at the expense of my heart nearly turning to cold ice. In total contrast, this has been one of the best summers of my life: and the ever-bold optimist in my soul screams, "Be grateful, will you?"
I recently bore witness to a friend of mine done wrong in a relationship; in a horrible, despicable way. I don't think that anyone saw it coming, especially not me. I never wanted to say this, but maybe it pays for me to be single. For now, in the fog.
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